6
The Conservative
Edited By H.P. Lovecraft
The Conservative desires to apologize for any errors in proofreading which may be found in this issue. Circumstances necessitated a change of printer at the last moment, and an already great delay rendered haste a prime essential.
Edited By H.P. Lovecraft
The Simple Speller's Tale
(Translated into English)
When first among the amateurs I fell,
I blush'd in shame because I could not spell.
Though skill'd in numbers, and at ease in prose,
My letters I could never well dispose.
Thoughts came abundant, language was the same;
Yet none the less I scarce could spell my name!
The kindly printer (with an eye for trade)
A clumsy care for all my work display'd;
Indiff'rent as I was, I used his art
Till critics cry'd, "My printer should be shot"!
Thus boldly censur'd, I began to seek
A means to thwart the rude reviewers' clique:
My fever'd eye in rage I cast around,
When all at once the wish'd-for plan I found.
It happen'd on a summer's holiday,
That past a mad-house gate I took my way.
Within the bedlam was a sage confin'd,
Who had from too much study lost his mind.
Now strolling out, in watchful keeper's care,
With childish sounds the madman fill'd the air.
Still dreaming of his letter'd days of yore,
His ravings on remember'd subjects bore:
Dim came the thoughts of what he us'd to teach,
And he began to curse our English speech.
"Aha"! quoth he, "the men that made our tongue
"Were arrant rogues, and I shall have them hung.
"For long establish'd custom what care we?
"Come, let us tear down etymology.
"Let spelling fly, and naught but sound remain;
"The world is mad, and I alone am sane!"
Thus rav'd the sage; inventing, as he walk'd,
