Cutter of Coleman-street/Act 2 Scene 5

by Abraham Cowley

Scene 5.

Aurelia, Puny, Cutter, Worm.

[Reading. 
Aur.Five hundred neat Gentlemen—like twenty-shilling
pieces, though never wash'd nor barb'd———A curse upon him, cann't he write a Bond without these sotteries?

Pun.Why how now Panims? fighting like two Sea-fish in the Map? Why how now my little Gallimaufry, my Oleopodrido of Arts and Arms; Hold the feirce Gudgings!

Aur.'Ods my life, Puny, let's go in again; that's the onely way to part 'em.

Pun.Do, do! kill one another and be hang'd like Ropes of Onyons.

Cut.At your command? no, Puny! I'le be forc'd by no man; put up, Worm; we'l fight for no man's pleasure but our own.

Wor.Agreed! I won't make sport with murdering any man, an' he were a Turk.

Pun.Why now ye speak like the Pacifique Sea; we'l to the King's Poleanon, and drink all into Pylados again; we'l drink up a whole Vessel there to Redintegration, and that so big, that the Tun of Heidelberg shall seem but a Barel of Pickled Oisters to't; mean time, thou pretty little Smith o' my good fortune, beat hard upon the Anvil of your Plot, I'l go and provide the Spankers.
Exit Puny. 

Cut.Your Cousin, Mrs. Aurelia, has abus'd us most irreverently.

Aur.Why what's the matter?

Cut.Your father recommended us two as Suters to her.

Aur.And she'd ha' none of you? What a foolish Girl 'tis, to stand in her own light so?

Wor.Nay, that's not all, but she us'd us worse than if we'd been the veriest Rogues upon the face of the whole Earth.

Aur.That's a little thought too much, but 'twas safer erring o' that hand.

Cut.I, we'r like to get much, I see, by complaining to you.

Enter Jane.

Exit.Jan.Ha, ha, ha! Here's the key o' the Closet, go up softly, Madam, ha, ha, ha! and make no noise, dear Madam, I must be gone.

Aur.Why does this little Foppitee laugh always? 'tis such a Ninny that she betrays her Mistris, and thinks she does no hurt at all, no, not she; well, wretched Lovers, come along with me now, (but softly upon your lives, as you would steal to a Mistris through her Mothers Chamber) and I'l shew you this severe Penelope, lockt up alone in a Chamber with your Rival.

Cut.As softly as Snow-falls.

Wor.Or Vapors rise.

Aur.What are you Punish too with your Similitudes? Mum—not a word—pull off your shoes at bottom of the stairs, and follows me.