Lapsus Calami (Apr 1891)/"Facilis Descensus Averni"

←

"Facilis Descensus Averni"

→

First published in The Eton Rambler, 18 May 1880, "'Facilis Descensus Averni'" was reprinted in the first two editions of Lapsus Calami. It was omitted from the third, and reinstated in the posthumous edition.

1992675Lapsus Calami — "Facilis Descensus Averni"James Kenneth Stephen

"Facilis Descensus Averni."

When I was new and all unspoiled, O how I loved examinations!With what unflagging zeal I toiled!With what incessant labour soiledMy books! how high my spirit boiled!Till—notwithstanding regulations—At times the surreptitious oil 'd Assist my midnight lucubrations:And how my very soul recoiledAt any thought of being foiledBy other people's machinations.

Thus, thus the unsuspecting youthSets forth upon the task of life,His zeal for seeking abstract truthIs sharpened by his love of strife;High rise his hopes—his earliest halfGleig's in yellow calf,And Creasy's , side by side,Excite his own, his parents' pride.But hopes are vain, pride hollow:The sequel of my tale abide,And mark what needs must follow.

So hard on one another's heelsThe blithe examinations troop,That soon the young enthusiast feelsLike flowers do that droop, and droop—And then a tempest of despairSweeps over him: his only careIs now to find some brilliant, rare,And quite unprecedented blunders,To clear the dull scholastic air,And startle Academic thunders.

Then comes the melancholy, vain,And hopeless struggle to regainHis old unsullied reputation:Abortive efforts to attainImpossible regeneration:And, when the last collapse is plain,No earthly solace doth remain,Except to launch an imprecationThat only is not quite profaneAgainst the author of his pain,Who brings all evils in his train,The friend of sloth, ambition's bane,The master fiend, Examination.

Eton Rambler, May 18th, 1880.