Fables for the Frivolous/The Hospitable Caledonian and the Thankless Viper

by Guy Wetmore Carryl

THE HOSPITABLE CALEDONIAN

AND

THE THANKLESS VIPER

THE HOSPITABLE CALEDONIAN

AND

THE THANKLESS VIPER

---

A Caledonian piper
 Who was walking on the wold
Nearly stepped upon a viper
 Rendered torpid by the cold;
By the sight of her admonished,
 He forbore to plant his boot,
But he showed he was astonished
 By the way he muttered "Hoot!"

Now this simple-minded piper
 Such a kindly nature had
That he lifted up the viper
 And bestowed her in his plaid.
"Though the Scot is stern, at least he
 No unhappy creature spurns,
'Sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie,'"
 Quoth the piper (quoting Burns).

This was unaffected kindness,
 But there was, to state the fact,
Just a slight soupçon of blindness
 In his charitable act.
If you'd watched the piper, shortly
 You'd have seen him leap aloft,
As this snake, of ways uncourtly,
 Bit him suddenly and oft.

There was really no excuse for
 This, the viper's cruel work,
And the piper found a use for
 Words he'd never learned at kirk;
But the biting was so thorough
 That although the doctors tried,
Not the best in Edinburgh
 Could assist him, and he died.

And the moral is: The piper
 Of the matter made a botch;
One can hardly blame the viper
 If she took a nip of Scotch,
For she only did what he did,
 And his nippie wasn't small,
Otherwise, you see, he needed
 Not have seen the snake at all.