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Mother Goose for Grownups/The Opportune Overthrow of Humpty Dumpty

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118583Mother Goose for Grownups — The Opportune Overthrow of Humpty DumptyGuy Wetmore Carryl
Upon a wall of medium height
      Bombastically sat
A boastful boy, and he was quite
      Unreasonably fat:
And what aroused a most intense
      Disgust in passers-by
Was his abnormal impudence
      In hailing them with “Hi!”
While by his kicks he loosened bricks
      The girls to terrify.

When thus for half an hour or more
      He’d played his idle tricks,
And wounded something like a score
      Of people with the bricks,
A man who kept a fuel shop
      Across from where he sat
Remarked: “Well, this has got to stop.”
      Then, snatching up his hat,
And sallying out, began to shout:
      “Look here! Come down from that!”

The boastful boy to laugh began,
      As laughs a vapid clown,
And cried: “It takes a bigger man
      Than you to call me down!
This wall is smooth, this wall is high,
      And safe from every one.
No acrobat could do what I
      Had been and gone and done!”
Though this reviled, the other smiled,
      And said: “Just wait, my son!”

Then to the interested throng
      That watched across the way
He showed with smiling face a long
      And slender Henry Clay,
Remarking: “In upon my shelves
      All kinds of coal there are.
Step in, my friends, and help yourselves.
      And he who first can jar
That wretched urchin off his perch
      Will get this good cigar.”

The throng this task did not disdain,
      But threw with heart and soul,
Till round the youth there raged a rain
      Of lumps of cannel-coal.
He dodged for all that he was worth,
      Till one bombarder deft
Triumphant brought him down to earth,
      Of vanity bereft.
“I see,” said he, “that this is the
      Coal day when I get left.”

The moral is that fuel can
      Become the tool of fate
When thrown upon a little man,
      Instead of on a grate.
This story proves that when a brat
      Imagines he’s admired,
And acts in such a fashion that
      He makes his neighbors tired,
That little fool, who’s much too cool;
      Gets warmed when coal is fired.