The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift/Volume 8/Twelve Articles

by Jonathan Swift

For works with similar titles, see Twelve Articles.

TWELVE ARTICLES.

	I.	Lest it may more quarrels breed,
		I will never hear you read.
	II.	By disputing, I will never,
		To convince you once endeavour.
	III.	When a paradox you stick to,
		I will never contradict you.
	IV.	When I talk, and you are heedless,
		I will show no anger needless.
	V.	When your speeches are absurd,
		I will ne'er object a word.
	VI.	When you furious argue wrong,
		I will grieve, and hold my tongue.
	VII.	Not a jest or humourous story
		Will I ever tell before ye:
		To be chidden for explaining,
		When you quite mistake the meaning.
	VIII.	Never more will I suppose,
		You can taste my verse or prose.
	IX.	You no more at me shall fret.
		While I teach, and you forget.
	X.	You shall never hear me thunder,
		When you blunder on, and blunder.
	XI.	Show your poverty of spirit,
		And in dress place all your merit;
		Give yourself ten thousand airs;
		That with me shall break no squares.
	XII.	Never will I give advice,
		Till you please to ask me thrice:
		Which if you in scorn reject,
		'Twill be just as I expect.

Thus we both shall have our ends,
And continue special friends.