A Treatise concerning the Use and Abuse of the Marriage Bed/Chapter 13
CHAP. XIII.
HOUGH every Indecency is not equally criminal, yet every Thing scandalous and offensive is really Criminal, as that which exceeds it in Degree; and therefore the Article I am now upon, though it may not be so odious singly, and in it self separately, though it is not so much a Matrimonial Whoredom as the past Heads I have mentioned, yet it is Part of the Crime, and in the Intent and Meaning, the Persons are as really guilty as in any of the other.
Every thing comes within the Compass of what I call Matrimonial Whoredom, wherein the Marriage is made the meer Cover for a wicked, ungoverned sensual Desire. Marriage is the Result of a pure Flame; 'tis entring into a sacred Relation with the Ends and Views which conform to the immediate End and Reason of the Institution it self.
As it is an Ordinance of God, its original is Divine, the reason of it good, the nature of it sacred; and it ought to be preserved in its Purity, not debauched by the corrupt Inclinations of Men, and made a Tool to a vitious ungoverned Appetite.
This is the Case when any Excursions are made out of the ordinary Road of those two obligatory Articles, which I mentioned at first, (viz.) Decency and Modesty.
To rush into Matrimony as a Horse rushes into the Battle, intimates a Fury, not a rational sober Christian Proceeding; in a word, it detects the Person of the Crime I have mentioned so often, (viz.) a raging inflamed Appetite, let it lie ever so deep, covered with whatsoever Pretences, guilded over however smooth and shining, let the outside be as specious as you will, the Poison is lodg'd within, the Venom of it works in a secret manner, till it breaks out in Scandal and Crime.
Take it in which Sex you will, the Offence is the same; nor do I always yield that it is worse in the Woman than in the Man; the Crime is the same, and the Obligation to Decency is equal; we may load the Woman the harder, because we pretend Modesty is ever peculiar, at least ought to be so, but I do not grant it at all. Men indeed make the boldest Sallies, and the Men have brought themselves to a kind of allowing themselves in Crime by the Authority of Custom; but I deny that in the Original it ought to be so.
A Man ought no more to swear and be drunk, quarrel and commit murther in his Rage than a Woman; and the Offence is as great when he does it. Custom only has given Crime à more odious Title, where the Woman is the guilty Person, because it is not expected from her so much. But is there any Law that shows us, the Man has more indecent Liberties allowed him than the Woman? Not at all; the Obligation is the same, and the Offence the same.
All indecent Matrimony is mutual, and the Crime is mutual, the Scandal affects both; the Woman is as guilty as the Man, and the Man as the Woman. Suppose, for example, a Man having buried his Wife, goes the next Week, or next Month, or next Day (for 'tis much alike) to court another Woman. This is not unlawful, that's true, but 'tis highly indecent; and where lies the Crime? In the Man, says Custom, because he is the Aggressor: But I deny that there is the least Difference in that Part, for the Woman knows it, and she knows 'tis scandalous; Why then does she come into it? The Crime is hers as much as his. Nay, if a Breach of Modesty is greater in the Woman than in the Man, as some pretend, then he is the greatest Offender here too, for the Indecency on her Side is utterly inexcusable.
But a Question or two returns upon us here: What is the Indecency that you should bring it into the Rank of Matrimonial Whoredom, or that the Woman should be charged with it? The Indecency is a want of respect to the Memory of the Dead, and pray what is the Woman concerned in that? Perhaps she did not so much as know her, or had ever seen her in her Life; what then is the Memory of her to her that comes after?
The next Question is this, Breach of Decency is an invasion of Custom only, and this Custom is a meer Thing of Nothing, an Original of no Authority. Matrimony as an Ordinance of God, and as a sacred Institution, Custom can have nothing to do with that; it is not binding at all in Law, neither the Laws of God or Man, and what have we to do with that? The Man is single, and the Woman is dead; she is as really dead as if she had been in her Grave seven Years; nor is there the least Injury or Injustice done to her; all the rest is a meer Homage paid to Custom, and which is not at all its due.
I give this the greater Length because 'tis a popular Argument, and often brought to defend these sudden, hasty and indecent Marriages I speak of, and likewise to let you see, that though I should grant every Word of it, yet my Objection against the Practice of such hasty Marriages stands good, and the Reproach is the same.
For, 1. My Objection is not so much against the Breach of a Custom, as it is against a Breach of Modesty; and if Custom only has made it so, for Custom or Crime made Modesty a Virtue at first, yet since it is so we are bound by it so far, as we are to do every thing which is of good Report, to avoid every thing that gives offence, and is an occasion of Reproach, though it may in it self be literally lawful.
2. But my Objection lies chiefly another Way, and points at another thing; the hasty and untimely, or unseasonable Marriages which I complain of, and which, I say, are scandalous and criminal, are so, as they discover themselves to be the Effect of a raging, ungoverned Appetite, a furious immodest Gust of Sensuality, a Flame of immoderate Desires.
As these are Things which should be mortified and restrained, not indulged and gratified, so every indecent untimely Step taken in pursuit of this corrupt and vitiated Flame, is a Crime; and therefore I think a Marriage founded upon this Foot is neither more or less than a Matrimonial Whoredom, or at least a Degree of it. 'Tis a criminal Gust, giving Beginning to a scandalous and indecent Action, which by that means becomes criminal too, though otherwise literally lawful; that is, it becomes Matter of Scandal, and gives offence to others, which is what, by the Scripture Rule, Christians ought Industriously to avoid.
Now when a Woman, within a Month or two after her Husband's Death, shall receive the Addresses of another, or a Man within such, or sometimes a shorter Time, shall apply himself to a Woman for Matrimony, can this be supposed to be from a modest Foundation, or within the compass of religious Regards? It cannot be.
Matrimony, though it is not so regarded, is really a religious, sacred and divine Institution, it ought to be taken as such, and never undertaken without Regard to its religious Foundation: So far as it is made a stalking Horse to a corrupt and baser Desire, so far as it is made use of as a Pretence to cover the vitiated Appetite, give it what fine Words you will, and guild it over with as many fair Outsides as you will, 'tis so far turned into a Matrimonial Whoredom: The Vice is at the Bottom, the Matrimony is enter'd upon meerly to gratify it, and to please the Appetite under the Cover of Liberty, and under the Plea of Law.
In a Word, all such Marriages, or such Motions to Marriage, where the sensual Part is the essential Part, are so far liable to this Charge; when the Vice, I say, is the moving Cause, and the Ceremony is the Tool to introduce and colour it; that's what I call legal Wickedness; when the Law of Matrimony is made a Key to the Union of the Bodies more than of the Souls, opening the Door to the insatiate Appetite, and covering the Fire of Vice under the legal Institution. This I call Matrimonial Whoredom, and, I think, it merits the Name very well.
Matrimony is a chast and modest Scheme of Living, 'tis a State, not a Circumstance of Life; the End and Meaning of it is the raising Families, procreating Children, to be brought up religiously; 'tis an Establishment contracted, or at least ought to be so, as an Appointment of Heaven; and for solid and substantial Enjoyments; it is durable as Life, and bounded only by the Duration of Life. If it be enter'd into upon other Foundations, and so far as it is so engaged in, so far 'tis abused; such are joined together indeed, but not according to God's holy Ordinance; 'tis debauching the Ordinance, corrupting the proposed End, 'tis a good Means made use for a bad End; and as 'tis pursued with wicked Designs, 'tis so far a wicked Engagement: Such do not come together like Man and Wife, but like W——— and R———; in short, they come together to take their Fill of Crime, and that, made a Crime by the Manner of it, tho' not in the Letter of it.
As when a Set of Gentlemen make an Appointment for what they call a Drinking-bout, they make their Agreement to meet at such a Tavern on purpose: 'Tis certainly and literally lawful for them to meet. Society, and even Society for diversion, is lawful and good; but this is a Meeting meerly to be drunk, meerly to satisfy the Appetite or Thirst of Wine, and with an Intention, nay, with a resolved Purpose of being Drunk; and what is to be said then of the Meeting it self? It was a Wickedness in it self; 'twas a purpose to gratify a vitious Appetite; and so far the very Meeting it self was a Crime; 'twas an Act of Debauchery; 'twas founded on a thirst of Wine, and a Thirst not to be quenched but by Excess and Intemperance.
The Parallel is exactly just, the Matrimony contracted in the manner I speak of is just the same; 'tis founded in Crime, the sensual Part is the Foundation and Original of it; and the Matrimony is only the help, the convenience to bring it to pass lawfully, as two resolving to go over a River to commit a Theft; the passing the River, and the Robbery, is the Intent; the Ferry-Boat is only the lawful Assistant to an unlawful Purpose.
But neither is this all, for it is criminal to abuse the Ordinance, to turn the sacred Appointment of Heaven to a corrupt and vile Use, making it the assistant to Sensuality, and to gratifying the Flesh, to quenching a dishonourable Flame, which was very far from the meaning or design of the Institution. That was all pure and upright, singly and simply, honest and clean in every Part and Branch of it, and cannot without a Crime be turned, and applied to gratify unchast Desires.
It is greatly wanted that our Governours and constituted Powers should take notice of such Things, and, as far as lies in them, prevent the turning and inverting the End of these nice Institutions, that they may not be apply'd to wrong Purposes, or debauched by Men of vitious Inclinations, to such Ends as are scandalous to Religion, and to humane Society.
'Tis true, it would be hard to make a Regulation which should suit to every Circumstance which might happen, and to the nature of the Thing too; yet something might be done; for Example, I think there might be a Law made which should limit the Rule of Decency in the Case of second Marriages, binding the Parties surviving to a certain Time, in which it should not be lawful for the Man or the Woman to marry after the Death of the Wife or Husband that went before, and if any did marry within that Time, it should be esteemed not only unlawful but shameful and odious, done in meer sensuality, and to gratify the worst Part, not the Christian Part; it should, in short, be a Brand of Infamy on the Person, whether Man or Woman, either to marry, or even to treat of, or about Marriage, within that Time.
Such a Law would, at least, distinguish People one from another; they would be known and mark'd out; and if that Law was duly and exactly executed, the Offence would, in time, grow out of use, be really scandalous, no Body would be guilty of it that had any Value for their own Character, because it would expose the Crime, as well as the Fact.
I grant, that the Respect to the Dead is not the thing that makes the Crime, but that Respect being a Debt of Decency, why is it not paid? Let the Reason be enquired into, the Answer must be natural, because the Party has a secret Inclination to gratify, and which is to be obliged in spight of that Pretence. Now all Matrimony that is meerly enter'd into to gratify the Inclination, that is undertaken meerly for the sensual Part, is, in my Sense, a debauched Matrimony, because Sensuality is not the true End and Design of the Ordinance of Matrimony, but a Corruption of it, and an Abuse.
It is for the Honour of Matrimony, and to dignify the Ordinance in a due Manner, that those Things should be avoided which bring Scandal upon it, tho' it be but in the Circumstances, not the essential Part: To see a Couple come together meerly and openly to gratify the vitious and Brutal Part, and satisfy their Sensuality, and then take the sacred Name of God in their Mouths, and tell us, they do come together according to God's holy Ordinance. This is making, not a Jest of Religion only, but 'tis Prophaneness, 'tis turning sacred Things to debauched Purposes, 'tis giving religious Titles to corrupt Undertakings, and sanctifying Crimes by the Mask of Innocence.
Let Protestants and Christians, or those who would be esteemed such, look back upon the Purity which they profess, and no longer study to cover and conceal Crime under the Appearance of Religion, but honestly explode the vitious Part, and distinguish rightly between Things sincere, and Things shameful and hypocritical.
Where Matrimony is pretended, let it be as it ought to be, according to its Institution, according to God's holy Ordinance; and as after joining Christians are still bound by the Laws of Decency and Modesty, let their coming together be so too; let it be without the Reproach of Crime, without the Brand of Indecent and Immodest, which are the Offspring of a most infamous Principle. They that fix the Blame upon themselves thus at first, may depend that the Brand of it, like burning in the Hand, will be Indelible, the Blot never wears out; whatever their Characters are afterward, the History is told with this Hesitation, But He or But She did so or so, married in a most scandalous Way, immediately after the Death of the former Wife or Husband; and with this Reproach they must be content to go on to their Graves.
How easily may People avoid these Reproaches? And how much is it every Christian Man's Duty to avoid them, if possible? A little mortifying of the Flesh, with its Affections and Lusts, would do it, especially as to the religious Part; a little Prudence in restraining their Inclination; a little Government of the corrupt Flame; a little Concern for Reputation, for Character, and for the Honour of Posterity, would smooth the Way; that's the civil Part.
But wretched Conduct! How are all these Things laugh'd at? How are all the Obligations of Decency and Modesty forgot? When the Vice prompts, when the sensual Part stirs, the Voice of Reason is drown'd and still'd by the Clamour of the Senses; Nature rebels against Principle, Vice gets the better of Virtue, and the wicked Appetite sinks all the Resolutions of Abstinence and Moderation.
And what is all this Scandal heap'd up for? How mean, how sordid a Thing, if it be consider'd, abstracted from that specious Pretence? And what is the Difference betwixt this and Whoring, if there was not this Refuge of a scandalous Marriage? Would such Men scruple quenching the Flame a more irregular Way? How long would Virtue restrain them, if Modesty and Decency will not? How long will they be afraid of Crime, that are not afraid
Scandal?
The Man, outrageous in his Appetite, must have a Relief, his sensual Part teazes and importunes him: How long would he hold out against it, if there was not this Relief under the Colour of Law? As if the Letter of the Law would defend him, where the Essence, the intent and meaning of the Law is against him.
I can never hope for such a Man, that he would restrain himself for fear of the Sin, who will not for fear of the Scandal, especially where the Scandal brings Crime along with it too: 'Tis a Crime upon himself; 'tis a Sin against himself, against his Fame, and against his Family and Posterity; it lays an indelible Blot upon them, and he Brands himself with such a Mark of Infamy, that not only his Children after him shall bear a Share of, but such as his Children themselves shall reproach him with in their Turn, and when 'twill be too late for him to Blush, if it should not be too late for him to Repent of it.
Nothing that I know of, at least nothing of the Kind, can be a worse Blot upon the Character of a Christian, than this of an unbounded, ungoverned Sensuality, and of doing scandalous Things from such a vile Principle. The Man himself, or the Woman either, will be as much ashamed of it, and as much reproach themselves afterwards as any Body else, unless the Crime it self hardens them against Shame.
Captain ——— H———, was a noted Offender of this kind, he was a Commander of a good Ship, and his Name is now a standing Precedent, both of the Crime I am speaking of, and the Penitence; he buried a virtuous, sober, beautiful Wife, and with a Face of unconcerned Levity, looks immediately round him for another, even before his first Wife was buried. As the Thought was surprizing and impudent, so he could not expect any Woman of Modesty would talk with him upon that Subject, and as he found he was abhorr'd and scorn'd upon the very mention of it, he seeks out where he thought he should not be refused, and that Way he answered his wicked Design immediately; for he married in two Days after his Wife was buried.
In an ill Hour, pursuing his vitious Appetite, he singles out a Woman, Fool as I was, (said he afterwards). What need I have ask'd her to marry? If it had been't'other Question, I need not have fear'd a Denial.
In a word, he marry'd her, lov'd her, lay with her, and hated her, and all within the compass of a Fortnight; in another Fortnight he went to Sea and left her, and, in two Months more, was cast away, drown'd, and saw her no more and the Woman marry'd again the next Day after she heard of it.
The Man was always (before this Step) lov'd and esteem'd among his Friends; he pass'd till that time for a Man of Virtue and Sobriety; and, had he thought fit to have subdued his vitious Appetite but one Year, or perhaps half a Year, he had preserved that Character, and might have had his Choice of a Wife among the Ladies in his Neighbourhood; very few would have refus'd him. And this he acknowledged in the hearing of the Person from whom I had the Relation.
But overjoy'd with the Liberty he had upon the change of his Circumstances; quitting a sick Companion, and left to range the World for another, he sacrificed his Fame to his Sensuality, and could not prevail with himself to stay, no not a Week, which Precipitation made him the scorn of all about him; and, as I said, in less than a Month he could have hang'd himself with the same satisfaction, compar'd to what he had in the preposterous Step he had taken: But it was too late to look back, he could never retrieve it. He was indeed a Penitent, as to the Folly of it, and own'd to me personally, that it was nothing but meer Matrimonial Whoredom. I use his own Words; and it was the very first Case that put the Purpose of reproving it in this manner, into my Thoughts.
The Tragedy of this poor Gentleman was enough to fill any Man's Mind with a just Indignation at the Practice; and though we see it often done, where perhaps the Consequence is not so fatal, yet the particular Scandal of it is not at all lessen'd: Had he not found that favourable Passage out of Life, whether in Judgment or in Mercy, God alone knows, I know not what might have been his Fate; for it was such a mortification to him to see himself so universally despis'd upon this scandalous Occasion, and, as he himself said, to deserve it too; whereas he was, on the contrary, so generally beloved before, that it was more than all the Philosophy he was Master of could support.
He was indeed a Memento to his Friends, and a Warning against Matrimonial Whoredom to all that knew him. I say nothing of the Creature he took; she is below our Consideration in the Case, because she had no Character, no Virtue to expose.
All the Argument this unfortunate Person had to excuse himself was, that he was loth to go to a Whore; but he was horribly asham'd to mention it; nor did he speak so but to his very intimate Friends, of whom I was one. But he repented heartily of that Caution, and own'd to us, that he believ'd his Sin was as great, and especially, as he said, the Scandal was greater. Nor did he think himself less guilty of Whoredom for the formality of the Marriage; and I am to acknowledge that it was from this Man, and from his Penitentials, that, as above, I had the very Words which I make the Title of this Work, and which I have on so many Occasions repeated, (viz.) Matrimonial Whoredom.
From this sad History in a Man, whom I esteemed as a Man of Worth, and for that Reason esteemed his Story as considerable, I might proceed to give flagrant Examples of the like scandalous Matches, and from the like unjustifiable Principle, but without the like penitent Acknowledgment; such is the famous B——— B———, of wanton Fame, who married five Husbands in less than four Years; and impudently declares, the resolves never to stay above a Fortnight unmarry'd at a time. But these Examples are too mean for our mention; the telling a scandalous Story of a scandalous Person is no Novelty, there's no Instruction in it, nothing else is to be expected. But the practice of such things where Men pretend to understand themselves, to have a Sense of Reputation, of Virtue, Prudence, and, above all, of Religion; this indeed has something wonderful in it, and is worth recording.
Another scandalous Piece of Matrimonial Whoredom, and which I call untimely Marriages, is that of marrying Infants and Persons not of Ages fit for Marriage, or, as we say, not marriageable. This has something extreamly shocking and surfeiting in it, and, indeed, will less bear a repetition, than any thing we have spoken of yet; and I am harder put to it to express the just Detestation of it, especially in the Cases which represent themselves on the Particular before me, because the Particulars, and the Motives of them, can hardly be modestly mentioned.
J——— M———, liv'd not twenty Miles off of Highgate, he had two young Ladies in his House, and who were bred up by him, or under him, his own Daughter, and a little Cousin his Child's Play-fellow; his Wife died, that was the first opening to his Wickedness; they were both young, his Daughter about eleven Years old, the Cousin between eleven and twelve, from his little Cousins, being his Daughter's Play-fellow, he wants to make her his own, and, in about two Years, made himself so familiar with her, (to describe it no nearer) that he divested her of all Modesty also; but that he might not make it a Piece of Debauchery, as he called it, he gets a profligate Parson, and marries the Girl, himself upwards of Forty, and the Child a little above Thirteen, which he alledged was a marriageable Age, and before she was Fourteen she was with Child by him. Whether the died in Child-bed or no, I do not remember; but this I have heard for Truth, that a few Years after he was under Prosecution, or at last fled the Country for a more criminal Conversation with the t'other Child, (viz.) his own Daughter, when, to palliate the Matter, he would have marry'd her too; but the Design was happily prevented. I hope no Body would deny, but that whatever the first was, the last was not Matrimonial Whoredom. only, but Matrimonial Incest.
It is true, the last is a superlative in Wickedness, and is needful to our Case; but the first I take to merit very justly the Title of Matrimonial Whoredom, and to come within the reach of my Text.
I could give a Counter-example to this in a Woman upwards of Forty, who, having bred up a Youth almost in Charity in her Family, and being her self left a Widow, married the little Boy, so I call him, and did it with Circumstances scandalous enough: The Particulars indeed I have not at large, but at his Thirteenth Year she married him, and before he was Fifteen Years old, had a Child by him, and after that three more.
I cannot enter into the Detail of her Story, no not so much as I have had an Account of; 'tis too foul; I have indeed no Words for it; the English Language is not able to cover such dirty Work, so I must leave it, as I am forced to do several others; but you may depend upon it, if there is such a thing in Nature as that I call Matrimonial Whoredom; it was here in its highest Extent, and in the extreme of Indecency and Immodesty.
It is true, these ought to have belonged to the Chapter of Marriages in unsuitable Years; but I rather place them here, because I treat these particular Articles as really criminal in themselves, and in the Nature of them; the other might be unhappy, occasioned by the unsuitable Circumstances; but these were, as I say, criminal; as Job says, they ought to have been punished by the Judge, they stink in the Nostrils of all modest People, and are hateful and odious in the Sight both of God and Man.
To bring it to the Case in hand: Here was the Essence of Matrimonial Whoredom; the meer incentive to this Marriage must be the wicked Part, the satisfying the brutal sensual Appetite. What can it be less? The Office of Matrimony was made but the Introduction, I had almost said the Usher, to the Whoredom; only that indeed the Matrimony is a passive Circumstance, not a voluntary Act; in a word, Matrimony is abused, and brought into it unjustly; and therefore, I think, they are right in foreign Countries, where, in such Cases, the Persons are liable to Punishment, not for the vitious Part only, which it is hard to come at there, as well as here; but they are liable, I say, to Punishment, for abusing the holy Sacrament, so they call Matrimony, and making it to be a Tool to hand them on to commit the Crime; this they call Insulting the Church, and, indeed, so I think it is; and they have their Ecclesiastick Constitutions, by which it is punishable, and the Priest is punished also that officiates in such a Marriage.
But to quit this nauseous Part as soon as we can; untimely Marriages are certainly scandalous in their Nature, especially where the Age is unequal, where one, being young, and scarce Ripe, by the ordinary Course of Nature, for the Marriage Bed, the other is of full Age; 'tis not a Matrimonial Whoredom only; 'tis, in my Opinion, a kind of a Matrimonial Rape, because it has something of Violence offered to Nature in it on one side, and something odiously and criminally Immodest, on the other.
It is true, and 'tis objected against me here, that in other Countries it is ordinary for the Children, especially of great Families, to come together young, and they have a usual Saying, that like Fruit gathered green, and laid up, they will ripen together; upon this Foot they frequently marry very early, the Ladies at eleven to twelve, and the Gentlemen at thirteen or fourteen; and, as it is the practice of the Country, there's no Scandal in it.
I have little to say to this Practice abroad; I know it is so in Spain, Portugal, and some other Places in the World; and there may be natural Reasons to be given in justification of the Practice; some taken from the Constitution of the People, some from the Climate, some from one Cause, some from another. Naturalists can say more to it than is needful here. Man and Woman have a Vegetative, as well as a sensitive and rational Life; and there may be a physical Reason given why Nature may be riper in one Part of the World than in another, and in some People sooner than in others; as it is evident the Season for the production of the same Fruits differ in one Place, and in one Country from another, the Vintage and the Corn-harvest, differ in one Country from another; here they gather in August, there in October, and it may be the like in other Things, and in Men and Women, as well as in other Creatures, for, as I said, the vegetative Life obeys the Law of Nature in them, as well as in Plants and Trees.
But 'tis enough that this is not the Custom in our Country, neither, perhaps, has Nature prepared Things to have it be so; and though sometimes we may see Exceptions here too, and Contracts may be made sooner, yet at soonest the Lady should be fourteen to fifteen, and the Gentleman sixteen to seventeen, and even this would be thought very soon too.
I know, as above, it may be otherwise sometimes, but it is not looked upon as Modest or Decent. I hear of an Instance at this time of a young Lady that is big with Child, at a little above thirteen. But 'tis ill thought on; 'tis made a Jest of; 'tis call'd a Child with Child; the Mother of the Girl is look'd awry upon, and spoken ill of, for suffering it; the young Thing, is looked at as People look at a Sight or Show, and as something monstrous.
But what is this to the Case in hand, where the Couple is equal, the Matter is the less; and if there be a Fault any where, it seems to lie upon the Parents, or the Guardians, or whoever had the Conduct of the young People. But this does not relate to the Case that I am upon; the two wretched Examples I have given, and which were both within the narrow Compass of my own Knowledge, are not at all justified by the practice of other Nations; we are, as Christians, to be bound by the Laws of Decency and Modesty, and, as Subjects of a just Government, by the Laws practis'd and receiv'd in our own Country. It is the Custom in some Nations to go naked, and in others they cloath so light, that it is, as we say, next Door to going naked; their Cloaths being so thin and light, that all the Parts of the Body are, as it were, described to the Eye, by the Garments setting so close to them; as in Italy, in Turkey and Barbary, and other hot Countries: But such a Practice, though 'tis thought nothing of there, would be thought immodest here to the last Degree, and indeed scandalous; and Christians are to cleave so far to the Custom of the Place, as to do all Things that are of good Report.
But I return to the Case of untimely Marriages, and I shall close it with a Story which I have very good Authority for the Truth of, where, though I cannot say there was any thing of Immodesty in the Design or Intention, nor any thing Immodest practis'd, or intended to be practis'd, yet Heaven seem'd to make it an Unhappiness to the Party, at least it was a surprizing Disappointment.
A certain antient Widow, having a tolerable good Estate, but no Children, and being upwards of sixty Years of Age, had fixed her Thoughts upon two young Women, which were her Relations (Nieces I think) to leave what Estate she had to, and which, divided between the two, would have made them tolerable good Fortunes.
As she intended them this good Luck, so 'tis likely she gave them some tolerable Additions while she was alive, as to their Education, and perhaps to their Equipage.
However, the foolish young Girls, supposing their Aunt had no Body else to give her Estate to, and not perhaps sensible of the Kindness shew'd them, at least not so sensible of it as they ought to have been, carry'd it but very indifferently to the old Lady; not only slighting her, and neglecting her on many Occasions, but sometimes took upon them to be saucy to her; and, in a word, at length they too plainly discovered that they looked upon the Estate to be, as it were, their right, and as if the old Lady lived too long for them; they would be frequently talking to one another, or to others, what they would do, and how they would live when they came to the Estate, if the old Woman was but out of the Way.
Either some officious People, perhaps Servants, had spite enough to report this to the old Lady, or the Nieces had the Indiscretion to let her hear some of it; the latter not very unlikely; or she gathered from the whole Tenour of their Conduct, that they slighted her; that they only waited the good Hour, that what little Respect they shew'd her, was evidently for what they were to get by her, and no otherwise, and that they waited with impatience when she would be pleased to walk off; all which was indeed true in Fact.
After the old Lady had thus taken notice of their Conduct some time, she once took Occasion more particularly to let them know it: She told them what she had observed, how unkindly they treated her, how perfectly at liberty she was to give her Estate to whom she pleased, and that she was not so old, and come to doat so much, as to give what she had to those that did not think it worth their while to deserve it, or that could not afford to be Civil to her; that she found they only gap'd for her Death, and that she should take care, if they did not alter their Conduct, they should have little enough to expect from her.
This alarm'd them a little; and if they had been any thing but thoughtless Girls, they would have chang'd their Methods a little. But it wore off in a little time, and they went on just as they did before.
At length the old Lady, thoroughly provoked by their ill Usage, and her Resentment being quickened by some particular extraordinary Carriage, takes a sudden Resolution to change her way of living, leave off House-keeping, and retire into the Country, to end her Days, as she called it, in Peace, and do good with what she had.
Her Nieces soon found they had lost themselves so much with her, that they had not Interest enough to alter her Resolutions, though they hung about her then with Tears and Entreaties, so they employ'd other Relations to intercede with her. But she soon stopt their Mouths, with letting them know how her Nieces had treated her, and what fair Warning she had given them, adding some particular Unkindnesses which she had met with from them, and some Speeches which they had been weak enough to let her overhear; upon which, in short, she was unalterably resolved either to give away her Estate to charitable Uses, or otherwise to dispose of it, so that they should never be at all the better for it, and that it was too late now to persuade her, for she was fixed in her Measures; and the Reasons being such as could not be answered, her Neices had nothing to do but to consider of some other Ways to maintain themselves, for she had no more to say to them.
This was dismal News to the two Girls; but they had no Remedy, so they shifted as they could; we have no more to say about them.
The old Lady, according to her Resolution, as above, put off her House, and went into the Country where her Estate lay, and dwelt with one of her Tenants in the Country; here she liv'd perfectly retir'd, and attended only with one Servant; and by this Time she was about sixty-five Years old, but of a sound, hail Constitution, a chearful, easy Disposition, calm Temper, and all the happy Tokens of long Life.
It happened one Day, talking seriously with her Tenant, a good honest plain Man, but a Man of Sense, and particularly of abundance of religious Knowledge, she made her Complaint to him, how unkindly she had been treated by her Nieces, and how she had resented it, and was resolved, as above, that none of them should be the better for her.
The good Man exhorted and persuaded her to forgive the young Women, to consider they were young and gay, and wanted Discretion, and that, no doubt, they would carry it otherwise to her now, if she would receive them again; he added the Command of our Saviour, to forgive Enemies, and our offending Brother; and so pleaded often with her for the two poor Cast-off Girls. But he found the old Lady inflexible; she had taken Things so ill that she could not go back; she would forgive them, she said, and pray for them, but she would never give her Estate to them; that she said she was not bound to do upon any Account whatever. In a word, the good Man found there was no room to say any thing farther upon that Subject, unless he would utterly disoblige her, which it was not his Business to do; so he meddled no more with it.
After some time, the old Lady tells her Tenant, she wanted to speak with him, and his Wife and Daughter together; the Daughter was, it seems, a young married Woman, but a sober, grave and religious Body, like her Father; and also of a Judgment above her Years; and this, it seems, made the old Lady take her into the Council; the Tenant had also a Son, but he was but a little Boy of about nine or ten Years old.
At this Meeting the old Lady tells them, that as she was now in Years, and could not expect to live much longer, she thought it was time to settle her Affairs in the World, and to dispose of what Estate she had to leave behind her; that they all know how she had been treated by those to whom she had been so kind, and to whom she had purposed to be still so much kinder; That they likewise knew what her Resolutions were with respect to that; that at his Importunity however, she had so far forgiven them, as to resolve to give each of them a Legacy of One hundred Pounds to help to support them, and to testify her Charity, notwithstanding the ill Usage they had been pleased to give her, but that now it was time for her to settle the rest.
After this Discourse, she told them, that she had been studying all possible Ways how she might dispose of her Estate most to her satisfaction, and that, upon the whole, she was resolved to marry. The Tenant, a grave, and, as I said, good Man, seem'd to be greatly distasted at that kind of Proposal for settling her Estate, and the Tenant's Wife and Daughter, both began to discover their surprize at it, and a kind of nauseating the Proposal.
But hold, says she, hear what I have farther to say before you give your Opinion. My Proposal of marrying shall have no Scandal in it, I'll promise you; I shall leave no room for Reproach; and you will say so, when you hear who I have pitch'd upon for my Husband. In short, there is a little Boy in your Town whom I have chosen for a Husband, and upon whom I will settle my Estate; and he is so young, that no Body can raise any Objection against it; for, to be sure, I shall be in my Grave before he will be grown up to Man's Estate; and, giving them no time to answer, she added, this little Boy is your Son. I think, says she, you say he is not above nine or ten Years old, and I am almost seventy; and, if you give your Consent, I'll put him to School; and after that, if I should live so long, I'll put him to 'Prentice at London to a good Trade, and give One hundred Pounds with him, and, to be sure, I shall be dead before he will be out of his Time; and then, selling Part of the Estate, he will have a good Stock to set up with, and the remainder will make a good Jointure for a Wife.
The Tenant was strangely surprized with the Proposal, and indeed was embarass'd with it. As for the Women, they were quite silenc'd. But the good Man told her, that indeed the Proposal she had made of marrying a Child, would take away all the Scandal which he was before concerned about on her Account; but that it would be a sad Blow to her own Relations; and tho' he knew not what to say as to his Child, whom he would be very tender of hurting, seeing she had such kind Thoughts about him, as to Design him her Estate, yet he could not still but beg of her to consider very well before she Disinherited her two Nieces, and, at least, to do something more for them. But, in short, she was immoveable as to that Part; and, after some other Difficulties which the old Tenant started, for he did not seem to come very willingly into it, no not to the last, it was however agreed on, and she was married to the Boy.
According to her Proposal, she put him to School, and had him made a very good Scholar; and she liv'd not only to see him come home from the School, but to be big enough to go 'Prentice, and also to see him come out of his Time; by which time he was about twenty-two Years of Age.
But, as I said, even this unsuitable Match did not prove so satisfactory as might have been expected; for it pleased God this Woman liv'd to such a prodigious Age, that the little Boy was seventy-two Years of Age when he follow'd her to the Church to bury her, and she was One hundred twenty-seven Years old.
This Story I had attested to me by a Person of an unquestion'd Veracity, who told me, he was himself at her Funeral: She was sixty-five when she marry'd him, and liv'd sixty-two Years with him, she indeed made him some Amends for the disparity of Years by this, that she was a most excellent Person, of an inimitable Disposition, preserv'd the Youth of her Temper, and the Strength of her Understanding, Memory and Eye-sight to the last; and, which was particularly remarkable, she bred a whole new Set of Teeth, as white as Ivory, and as even as a Youth, after she was ninety Years old.
Here was a Disparity, 'tis true; but here was none of the corrupt Part, which I have made the Mark of my Reproof, and so justly too. Here was no Vice, no sensual Part, to be so much as thought of; and yet, I say, it could not but be a disappointment to the young Man; and she would often complain to him of the Injury she did him in living so long. But I did not hear that it gave him any Uneasiness; her extraordinary good Temper making him so much amends for it.
There is a Custom of marrying Children one to another by the Compact of their Parents, while the said Children are very young; as has been the Practice abroad, and as we had lately an Example of in the French and Spanish Courts, tho' not very encouraging neither by its Success, or fitted much for an Example.
This has its Inconveniencies in it on many Accounts; but as they do not come within the reach of the criminal Part, I do not say they are concerned in the Reproof of this Satyr; nor am I speaking of such.
But since I am taking notice of the various Sorts of untimely Marriages, and I have mentioned this; I should do Justice to the Practice of our own Country in those Cases, namely, that in such Compacts of Parents they are generally made thus, upon Condition that the young People like one another when they are grown up, and fit to come together.
This has both Reason and Religion in it, and seems to be founded upon the great Principle of Liberty, both Civil and Ecclesiastick, which this Nation are happy in the Enjoyment of.
Indeed, it seems a kind of Tyranny over our Children, which we have no Power to exercise, to anticipate their Affections, and oblige them in their Infancy to take up with an Object they have no liking to, and bind them down here or there before-hand. I will not say, but it may indeed be a kind of bespeaking their Dislike from the natural Aversion which Men commonly have to every Thing which is imposed upon them, and to that irksome Thing call'd, Being Imposed upon.
