A Treatise concerning the Use and Abuse of the Marriage Bed/Chapter 2
CHAP.II.
Of Matrimonial Chastity, what is to be understood by the Word; a Proof of its being required by the Laws of God and Nature, and that wrong Notions of it have possess'd the World. Dr. Taylor's Authority quoted about it.
Am yet settling Preliminaries; the Work I am upon will have so many Opposers, such Cavillings and Quarrellings, as well at the Subject, as at the Manner of of handling it, that I am obliged to provide my Defences in time against all the Batteries of the Enemy.
I have this to boast of for Encouragement, (viz.) that I know my Argument to be invulnerable; all the Arts of Hell cannot evade the force of it; if there is the least Defect, it must be in the weakness of the Performance. Good Weapons may be rendred useless or insufficient in an unskilful Hand; but as no Man else has ever undertaken it, I must venture. I'll manage it as well as I can.
In the former Chapter I have explained the matrimonial Obligation, what I mean by the word Matrimony, how it should be understood, and in what sense I understand it in the following Work. I repeat nothing.
I am now to explain another Term equally significant, tho' little taken notice of among us, a Word thought to be difficult, but is not difficult; absolutely necessary to be understood towards the right reading this Book, and particularly useful to its explanation, I mean Matrimonial Chastity; 'tis the Breach of this Chastity that is the Subject of the whole Work, and 'tis therefore, I say, absolutely necessary to understand what it is.
The exercise of lawful Enjoyments is one of the greatest Snares of Life; where Men seem to be left to their own Latitudes, 'tis too natural to think they are not obliged to any Restraint; but 'tis a great Mistake: Christian Limitation is the true measure of human Liberty; where Heaven has had the goodness to leave us without a limitation, he expects we should limit our selves with the more exactness; and perhaps 'tis the intent and meaning of that seeming unlimited Liberty (for 'tis no more) that our Virtue may have a fair Field for its trial, and that we may more eminently shew our Christian Temperance, in using those Liberties with the same Moderation where we have no positive Restraints imposed, as we would others, where we are under a direct and absolute Command.
Being therefore about to reprehend the Breaches of this Moderation, and, in a word, to combat the Exorbitances of unlimited Life, 'tis absolutely necessary to know what they are; and to lay down, with the utmost plainness that decency will permit, what it is I am to engage against, and for what Reasons.
Chastity is a Virtue much talked of, little practised; a great Noise is made with the word Chastity, and, on many Occasions, where little true regard is had to the thing, and perhaps where 'tis little understood; 'tis taken among us for a meer Regulation of Manners, and a kind of Government of Life. But the definition is infinitely short of the thing it self, which is of a high and superior kind; it is a rectitude of Nature, an inherent Brightness of the Soul, I'll give you a better description of it presently, and a better describer also, for I must speak with Authority, if possible, where I have so much to say, and which you will like so little.
If Chastity in general be so little understood, the Chastity I speak of is infinitely more out of the way of your ordinary thinking: Matrimonial Chastity! 'tis a new strange Term, said one of my critical Observers before I published this Work; you must be sure to tell us what you mean by it, or it will not be intelligible: What, says he, are you going to lay down Rules and Laws for the Marriage Bed! Are you going to enclose what Heaven has left free, and pretending to shew us the deficiency of God's Laws, supply that deficiency with some wiser Rules of your own? 'Tis against Nature, as well as against Heaven. But this Reproof is misplaced, and the Reprover mistaken. I am far from adding to the Restraints that Nature, and the God of Nature have laid upon us, but am for shewing you what Restraints they are; and particularly to let you see, there are some straints where you suggest, and perhaps believe, there are really none.
You acknowledge, that Chastity in general is a Virtue, and a Christian Duty; and I affirm there is a particular Chastity, that is to say, a limited Liberty, which is to be observed and strictly submitted to in the conjugal State; This I call Matrimonial Chastity, and the Breach of this I call, as in my Title, matrimonial Whoredom; let others call it what they will, I can give it no other Name than what I think it deserves.
'Tho' they're called Misses which lewd Men adore,
'I cannot guild their Crimes, a Whore's a Whore.
Having thus entered upon the difficult Task of reproving those criminal Practices of Men, which are acted under the shelter of supposed lawful Liberty, I must state the due Bounds and Extent of that Liberty, that we may the better ground our future Censures, and be able to justify the Reproof from the Rules established in the Foundation.
Now, that I may do this with the better Authority. I begin with quoting the late Pious and Reverend Dr. Taylor; in his Book of Holy Living, he has a whole Chapter upon this very Subject, I mean of Chastity, and I cannot take my Arguments from a better Beginning.
"Chastity, says the Doctor, is the Circumcision of the Heart, the suppressing all irregular Desires in the Matter of carnal and sensual Pleasures.
Here the Doctor has made a Provision to encounter the merry Disputants of this Age, as pungent and as natural, as if he had been now alive, and knew the highth to which the corrupt Imaginations of Men have carried those irregular Desires: What do you pretend to call Irregular, said a cavilling favourer of Vice to me once, also before this Book was thought of? What can be Irregular between a Man and his Wife?
I shall have more to say to that Question in the next Chapters, and doubt not to speak to the Conviction of reasonable Creatures: As to human Brutes I am not looking towards them, much less talking to them in a Discourse of Chastity; let them alone to their irregular Desires, and let the success of those gratify'd Desires be their reprover; they generally end in Repentance, or, which is worse, Self-reproaches. But I come back to Dr. Taylor.
"I call all those Desires irregular", says the Reverend Doctor.
"1. That are not within the holy Institution, or within the Protection of Marriage.
2. That are not within the Order of Nature.
3. That are not within the Moderation of Christian Modesty."
In this last Head he includes (to use his own Words) all immoderate use of permitted Beds, which is exactly to the purpose that I am speaking of, and upon which Subject the second Chapter of this Book is chiefly employ'd.
"Concerning which, says the same worthy Author, Judgment is to be made as concerning Meats and Drinks, there being no certain degree of frequency or intention prescribed to any Person, but it is to be ruled as the other Actions of Man's Life are ruled, viz.
"1. By the Proportion to the End.
"2. By the Dignity of the Person as a Christian.
"3. By the other Particulars, of which he speaks afterwards.
"Chastity (says he) is the Grace which forbids and restrains all these, keeping both the Body and the Soul pure, in the state God has placed it, whether of a single or married Life, 1 Thess. iv. 3, 4, 5.
And now having quoted so eminent an Author as Dr. Taylor, whose Works are so well known, let me put all my good Friends, who watch for my halting, in mind, that the Doctor having this very Article upon his Hands, and being resolved to speak critically, and yet fully, to it, he takes all due caution in the doing it, just as I have done. First, He cautions the Reader against unjust Censure and Reproach. (2.) He then fortifies himself against the Fears of it: And, Lastly, speaks boldly and plainly where Duty calls upon him to do so. Just in this manner you may expect me to act, in that critical Article of Liberty which is before me.
The Doctor, it appears, knew how the World was vitiated, and the Minds of Men corrupted, even in his Day, and that it was a most dangerous thing to speak of such things as these in the Ears of a lewd Set of People, which the World was then full of; That they would corrupt the most sanctified Advice, and insult the Adviser, and therefore as I have done here, so the devout Doctor gives caution, and enters his Protest against misconstruction and misunderstanding of what he was to say; this he does with infinite Modesty and Reserve, but ventures for all that upon the Reproof as a necessary Work, his Example is highly useful to me in this equally necessary Work, of laying, open the Crimes of the present Age; which, it must be acknowledged, is much farther advanced in Wickedness than the Times the Doctor lived in. His Words are these:
Dr. Taylor's Preamble to his Chapter upon the Subject of Chastity.
"Reader, stay, says he, and read not the Advices of the following Section, unless that thou hast a chast Spirit; and in another Place he says, unless thou hast a chast Spirit, and unless thou art desirous of being chast, or at least art apt to consider whether thou oughtest or not. For there are some Spirits so Atheistical, and some so wholly possess'd with the "Spirit of uncleanness, that they turn the most prudent and chast Discourses into dirty and filthy Apprehensions; like cholerick Stomachs, changing their very Cordials and Medicines into bitterness, and, in a literal sense, turning the Grace of God into Wantonness.
These Men study Cases of Conscience in the Matter of carnal Sins, not to avoid them, but to learn Ways how to offend God, and pollute their own Spirits; searching their Houses with a Sun-beam, that they may be inform'd of all the Corners of Nastiness."
"I have used all the care I cou'd in the following Periods, that I might neither be wanting to assist those that need it, nor yet minister any Occasion of fancy or vainer Thoughts to those that need them not. If any Man will snatch the pure Taper from my hand, and hold it to the Devil, he will only burn his own Fingers, but shall not rob me of the reward of my Care and good Intention, since I have taken heed how to express the following Duties, and given him caution how to read them."
Thus far Dr. Taylor. He had but one Chapter, or Section, as he calls it, upon the Subject of Chastity, and yet you see how wary he was, least the ill digesture of the Times should turn that which he designed for the wholesome Nourishment of the Mind, to a corrupt and unclean purpose. How much more have I just ground to warn the Reader of this Work, that he may forbear reading it with a Design to gratify or please a tainted and vitiated Imagination? Let him rather prepare to read a just Reproof of the vilest Actions, with the same detestation and abhorrence that I write it with, and with such clean Thoughts as becomes a Mind seasoned with Virtue, awed by Religion, and prepared by a due Reverence to the divine Command.
To the pure all things are pure, to the unclean all things are unclean; they that are disposed to ridicule and make a jest of the just Satyr here pointed at Crime, will but make a jest of themselves; since nothing can be more evident than the Offence, nothing can be more just than the Reproof. If Men will defile themselves, as the Scots say, no Man can dight them. 'Tis very strange a Man should be afraid to expose a Crime for fear of encreasing it, as if the very Shame should excite to the Sin.
But I must keep to the Point, and to which I resolve to confine my self. Chastity is no popular Subject, 'tis so broken into upon all Hands, and with such a Gust of general desire, that to rake into the Filth must be disagreeable to the generality of People; and tho' I do not let it alone for that Reason, being not at all reluctant to an attack upon a Crime, because grown flagrant and universal, yet at present I am upon another Subject; I am attacking a Crime equally odious, but which is not equally acknowledged to be a Crime, a Wickedness which even some that pretend to Purity of Life will not allow to be wicked.
So much more is the Danger, when Men walk among Barrels of Gunpowder, and know it not to be Gunpowder, who shall be cautious of his Candle? It is not so hard to persuade such Men to shun the Evil, as to convince them that it is an Evil; they cavil at the very Title of this Chapter Matrimonial Chastity, 'tis Nonsence, they say, in the Nature of the thing; Virgin Chastity indeed, and Chastity of a single Person, is something, and would bear to be exhorted to; but married Chastity is what they will by no means understand, or bear a Reproof about.
But because I have, as I said above, a whole Chapter upon this very Subject, and only mention it here with respect to Opinions of good Men about it, give me leave to quote the Reverend Person just now nam'd upon the same Subject, and refer you afterward to my own Opinion in the following Discourse. Dr. Taylor, in his Discourse of Chastity mentioned above, after having spoken of Virgin Chastity and Vidual Chastity, comes of course to mention the very Thing I am now upon, and in the very same Terms, viz.
MATRIMONIAL CHASTITY.
And I choose to give it to you in his own Words, because, before I remembered that the Doctor had mentioned this Case, I had finished the next Chapters, viz. of the Bounds and Limitations which Modesty and Decency had placed to the Liberties of the Marriage Bed, and which the Doctor's Opinion so far confirms, that I could not but subjoin his Thoughts after my own was gone to the Press. The Doctor's Rules for married Persons are thus express'd:
'Concerning married Persons, besides the keeping their mutual Faith and Contract with each other, these Particulars are useful to be observed.'
'1. Although their mutual Endearments are safe within the Protection of Marriage, yet they that have Wives or Husbands, must be as tho' they had them not; that is, they must have an Affection greater to each other than they have to any Person in the World, but not greater than they have to God: but that they be ready to part with all Interest in each other's Person, rather than fin against God.
' In their Permission and Licence, they must be sure to observe the Order of Nature, and the Ends of God. He is an ill Husband, that uses his Wife as a Man treats a Harlot, having no other End but Pleasure. Concerning which our best Rule is, that although in this, as in eating and drinking, there is an Appetite to be satisfied, which cannot be done without pleasing that desire; yet since that desire and satisfaction was intended by Nature for other Ends, they should never be separate from those Ends, but always be joined with all or one of those Ends, with a desire of Children, or to avoid Fornication, or to lighten and ease the cares and sadnesses of Houshold-affair, or to endear each other; but never with a purpose, either in act or desire to separate the sensuality from these Ends which hallow it. Onan did separate his Act from its proper End, and so ordered his Embraces that his Wife should not conceive, and God punished him.
3. Married Persons must keep such modesty and decency of treating each other, that they never force themselves into high and violent Lusts, with arts and misbecoming devices: always remembring that those Mixtures are most innocent which are most simple and most natural, most orderly and most safe.
4. It is a duty of matrimonial Chastity to be restrained and temperate in the use of their lawful Pleasures: Concerning which, although no universal Rule can antecedently be given to all Persons, any more than to all Bodies one proportion of Meat and Drink; yet married Persons are to estimate the degree of their Licence according to the following Proportions, 1. That it be moderate, so as to consist with Health. 2. That it be so ordered as not to be too extensive of Time, that precious opportunity of working out our Salvation. 3. That when Duty is demanded it be always payed (so far as in our Powers and Election) according to the foregoing Measures. 4. That it be with a temperate Affection, without violent transporting Desires, or too sensual Applications. Concerning which a Man is to make Judgment by proportion to other Actions, and the Severities of his Religion, and the Sentences of sober and wise Persons; always remembring, that Marriage is a Provision for supply of the natural Necessities of the Body, not for the artificial and procured Appetites of the Mind. And it is a sad truth, that many married Persons thinking that the Flood-gates of Liberty are set wide open without Measures or Restraints (so they sail in that Channel) have felt the final Rewards of their Intemperance and Lust, by their unlawful using of lawful Permissions. Only therefore let each of them be temperate, and both of them be modest.'
Thus far the Reverend Doctor, a Man whose Character gave him an undoubted Right to the Title of a true spiritual Guide, thorowly qualified in his time for a Teacher of Holy Living.
I add nothing, only that here is a Confirmation indeed unexpected of all the Principles which I have advanced in this Work.
Here is a full Concession to the real occasion and even necessity of my present Undertaking; the Doctor grants, that married Persons even at that time thought the Flood-gates of Liberty were let open to them, and that (as I said) Modesty and Decency was at an End after Marriage, and there was no more Restraint between a Man and his Wife.
But you will find the Doctor quite of another Opinion, as I also am; and I am very glad to have so unquestioned an Authority for my Opinion.