Advice to Young Ladies/Chapter 20
Chapter XX.
A Common Mistake.
A common mistake which most young couples commit is that of commencing the world in too imposing a manner. The desire to make an appearance is usually quite strong; and it often happens that the young husband is more disposed for a “dash,” than the wife, especially if she have always been used to a good style of living in her father’s house. Pride will not permit him to place her in a lower external position than the one she left when she became his wife. Nor is he always content with this. A little more elegance and style is often assumed, and a rate of expenditure adopted that is not unfrequently entirely out of all fair proportion to the income. It matters little whether this income be five thousand or five hundred per annum; in the outset, the temptation to draw too heavily, or even to go beyond it, is very great.
It most generally happens that the young wife never thinks of inquiring how far the means of her husband will warrant the rate of expenditure at which they are living. She naturally enough supposes that he will not go beyond his ability. Deceived by the freedom with which he spends his money, she is often led into extravagances of dress entirely at variance with their real condition in life, and remains utterly unconscious of the fact that she is an object of remark and censure to those who are much better acquainted with the real circumstances of her husband than she is. The consequences of errors of this kind are often very severely felt. Many a young couple’s fair prospects in life have been blighted by early extravagance, the result of weak pride on the part of the husband, and thoughtlessness and pride on the part of the wife.
After marriage, the interests of a young couple become one, and the feeling of delicacy that prevents the wife from inquiring into her husband’s affairs, and becoming thoroughly acquainted with them, should be laid aside. All reserve on this subject ought now to cease, and the fullest confidence begin. The style of living adopted should be that which the judgments of both determine to be right, after clearly understanding the real or probable amount of their income; and it should be a matter of fixed principle never to go beyond, but always to keep within, this income. It will be much easier to begin right than to get right after having made a wrong beginning.
The error of young married persons beginning the world in the style of those who have been ten, twenty, or thirty years in acquiring the means whereby to live in elegance or luxury, is a very common one. In order to support this style, they often expend every dollar of income, and too frequently are tempted to go beyond this, involving themselves in debt, and creating embarrassments that are never entirely got over.
It will almost always be in the power of a young wife to prevent this. By assuming a modest style of living, and exercising economy in every thing, in the first few years of married life, when all expenditures for real wants are never large, enough may always be saved to meet the increasing demands of later years. The pleasure of spending money uselessly never compensates for its want, but rather imbitters the privations that such want entails. If the husband’s means of supporting the style in which he wishes to see his wife live, and in which he proposes that she shall live, are really insufficient, he cannot be wholly unaware of the fact, and will not feel inclined to oppose her strongly, if she voluntarily suggest that it may be better for them to assume a less expensive style. That she may have some distinct idea, in the outset, and before an error is committed, of how they ought to live, a young bride should always consult her parents on the subject. They know pretty nearly the extent of her husband’s income, how much he ought to spend, and what style it will be best for them to live in. Having this information, she will be able to act the part of a true wife, and wisely restrain her husband, if he should be disposed to run into extravagance, from beginning the world in a style of expenditure that cannot be long supported.
A little prudence and economy in the outset will go far towards preventing the reverses that so frequently overtake us in this life; for the modes of living with which we start, usually become habits with us. If these are extravagant, it will be a difficult matter ever afterwards to overcome them entirely; but if they are prudent and economical, they will not only save us from going beyond our means in the outset, but prove a guaranty of our success in the future.