Baboo Hurry Bungsho Jabberjee, B.A./Chapter 29

by Thomas Anstey Guthrie

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Further proceedings in the Case of Mankletow v. Jabberjee. Mr Jabberjee's Opening for the Defence.

XXIX

 

Queen's Bench Court, No.—, 2.40 p.m.

I have just resumed my seat after a rather searching examination of Madam Mankletow, as will appear from the notes of her evidence kindly taken by my solicitor:—

My Solicitor's said Notes.

Mrs Martha Mankletow (formidable old party—all bugles and bombazine). Would certainly describe her establishment as 'select'; all of her male boarders perfect gentlemen—except defendant. Was never anxious to secure him for her daughter—on the contrary, would have much preferred her son-in-law white. Gave her consent because of the passionate attachment he professed for plaintiff. Nothing to her whether he was of princely rank or not. He appeared to be very well able to support her daughter, which was the chief thing. Had never threatened defendant with personal chastisement from other boarders if he denied any engagement. Did say that if he meant nothing serious after all the marked attentions he had paid the plaintiff, he deserved to be cut dead by all the gentlemen in the house. Insisted on the engagement being made public at once; thought it her bounden duty to do so. Did not know whether defendant was married already, or how many wives he was entitled to in his own country—he had taken good care not to say anything about all that when he proposed. Did not consider him a desirable match, and never had done, but thought he ought to be made to pay heavily for his heartless behaviour to her poor unprotected child, who would never get over the slight of being jilted by a black man . . . .

Here I sat down, amidst suppressed murmurs from the Court of indignation and sympathy at such gross unmannerly insults to a highly educated Indian University man and qualified native barrister.

3.15.—More witnesses for plaintiff, viz., Miss Spink and sundry select boarders, who have testified to my courtship and the notoriety of my engagement. Seeing that they were pre-determined not to answer favourably to myself, I tore a leaf out of Mister Witherington's book, and said that I had no questions to ask. . . . The plaintiff's junior has just sat down, with the announcement that that is his case. I am now to turn the tables by dint of rhetorical loquacity.

 

MR JUSTICE HONEYGALL.

 

The annexed report, though sadly meagre and doing very scanty justice to the occasion, is furnished by my friend young Howard, who was present in Court at the time. . . . .

Jab. (in a kind of sing-song). May it please your venerable lordship and respectable gentlemen of the jury, I am in the very similar predicament of another celebrated native gentleman and well-known character in the dramatic works of your immortal littérateur Poet Shakspeare. I allude to Othello on the occasion of his pleading before the Duke and other potent, grave, and reverent signiors of Venice, in a speech which I shall commence by quoting in full——

Mr Justice Honeygall. One moment, Mr Jabberjee, I am always reluctant to interfere with Counsel, but it may save my time and that of the jury if I remind you that the illustration you propose to give us is hardly as happy as it might be. The head and front of Othello's offending, unless I am mistaken, was that he had married the lady of his affections, whereas in your case——

Jab. (plaintively). Your lordship, it is not humanly possible that I can exhibit even ordinary eloquence if I am to be interrupted by far-fetched and frivolous objections. The story of Othello——

Mr Justice H. What the jury want to hear is not Othello's story, but yours, Sir, and your proper course is to go into the witness-box at once, and give your version of the facts as simply and straightforwardly as you can. When you have given your own evidence and called any witnesses you may wish to call, you will have an opportunity of addressing the jury, and exhibiting the eloquence on which you apparently place so much reliance.

[Here poor old Jab bundles off to the witness-box, and takes some outlandish oath or other with immense gusto, after which he starts telling the Jury a long rambling rigmarole, and is awfully riled when the old Judge pulls him up, which he does about every other minute. This is the sort of thing that goes on:—

Jab. At this. Misters of the Jury, I, being but a pusillanimous and no Leviathan of valour——

The Judge. Not so fast, Sir, not so fast. Follow my pen. I've not got down half what you said before that. (Reads laboriously from his notes.) "In panicstricken apprehension of being severely assaulted à posteriori." Who do you say threatened to assault you in that manner—the plaintiff's mother?

Jab. I have already had the honour to inform your lordship that I was utterly intimidated by the savage threats of the plaintiffs mother that, unless I consented to become the betrothed, she would summon certain able-bodied athletic boarders to batter and kick my unprotected person, and consequently, not being a Leviathan——

The Judge. No one has ever suggested that you are an animal of that description, Sir. Have the goodness to keep to the point. (Reads as he writes?) "I was so intimidated by threats of plaintiffs mother that she would have me severely kicked by third parties if I refused, that I consented to become engaged to plaintiff." Is that what you say?

Jab. (beaming). Your lordship's acute intellect has comprehended my pons asinorum with great intelligence.

The Judge (looking at him under his spectacles). Umph! Well, go on. What next?

[So old Jab goes on gassing away at such a deuce of a rate that the Judge gives up all idea of taking notes, and sits staring at Jab in resigned disgust. (It was spell-bound attentiveness.—H. B. J.) Jab will spout and won't keep to the point; but, all the same, I fancy, somehow, he's getting round the Jury. He's such a jolly innocent kind of old ass, and they like him because he's no end of sport. The plaintiff's a devilish fine girl, and gave her evidence uncommonly well; but, unless

Witherington turns up again, I believe old Jab will romp in a winner, after all! I haven't taken down anything else, except his wind-up, when of course he managed to get in a speech.

Jab. Believe me, gentlemen of the jury, this is simply the barefaced attempt to bleed and mulct a poor impecunious Indian, For it is incredible that any English female, of genteel upbringings and the lovely and beauteous appearance which you have all beheld in this box, it is incredible, I say, that she should seriously desire to become a mere unconsidered unit in a bevy of Indian brides! How is she possibly to endure a domestic existence exposed to the slings and arrows of a perpetual gorilla warfare from various native aunts and sisters-in-law, or how is she to reconcile her dainty and fastidious stomach, after the luscious and appetising fare of a Bayswater boarding-house, to simple, unostentatious, and frequently repulsive Indian eatables? No, Misters of the jury, as warm-hearted noble-minded English gentlemen, you will never condemn an unfortunate and industrious native graduate and barrister to make a cripple of his career, and burden his friends and his families with such a bone of contention as a European better half, who will infallibly plunge him into the pretty pickle of innumerable family jars! I shall now vacate the witness-box in favour of my intimate friend and fatherly benefactor, Hon'ble Sir Chetwynd Cummerbund, who will tell you——

The Judge (rising). Before we have the pleasure of seeing Sir Chetwynd here, Mr Jabberjee, there is a little formality you appear to have overlooked. The plaintiff's counsel will probably wish before you leave the box to put a few questions to you in cross-examination, and that must stand over till to-morrow. (At this, old Jab's jaw falls several holes.)

Note by Mr Jabberjee.—Hereford Road, Bayswater.—I am excessively gratified by the result of my first day's trial, being already the established favourite and chartered libertine of the whole Court, who split their sides at my slightest utterances. So I am no longer immeasurably alarmed by the prospect of being crossly examined—especially since Witherington, Q.C., has abandoned his brief in despair to a tongue-tied junior, who is incompetent to exclaim Bo! to a goose. Indeed, I have some thoughts of declining haughtily to be interrogated by a mere underling.

The only fly in the ointment of my success is the utter indifference of Jessimina to my aforesaid triumphs. At the termination of the hearing to-day, I beheld her so deeply engrossed in smiling and cordial converse with the smartly-attired curly-headed young solicitor who is acting on her behalf that she was totally unconscious of my vicinity!

Alackaday! varium et mutabile semper fœmina!