Bartholmew Fayre/The Induction

by Ben Jonson

The Induction.
On the Stage.

Stage-Keeper. Gentlemen, haue a little patience, they are e'en vpon comming, instantly. He that should beginne the Play, Master Littlewit, the Proctor, has a stitch new falne in his black silk stocking; 'twill be drawn vp ere you can tell twenty. He playes one o'the arches, that dwels about the Hospitall, and hee has a very pretty part. But for the whole Play, will you ha'the truth on't? (I am looking, lest the Poet heare me, or his man, Master Broome, behind the Arras) it is like to be a very conceited scuruy one, in plaine English. When't comes to the Fayre, once: you were e'en as good goe to Uirginia, for any thing there is of Smith-field. Hee has not his the humors, he do's not know 'hem; hee has not conuers'd with the Bartholmew-birds, as they say; hee has ne're a Sword, and Buckler man in his Fayre, nor a little Dauy, to take toll o'the Bawds there, as in my time, nor a Kind-heart, if any bodies teeth should chance to ake in his Play. Nor a Iugler with a wel-educated Ape to come ouer the chaine, for the King of England, and backe againe for the Prince, and sit still on his arse for the Pope, and the King of Spaine! None o'these fine sights! Nor has he the Canuas-cut 'ithe night, for a Hobby-horseman to creepe into his she-neighbour, and take his leap there! Nothing! No, and some writer (that I know) had had but the penning o'this matter, hee would ha'made you such a Iig-ajogge i'the boothes, you should ha'thought an earthquake had beene i'the Fayre! But these Master-Poets, they will ha'their owne absurd courses; they will be inform'd of nothing! Hee has (sirreuerence) kick'd me three, or foure times about the Tyring-house, I thanke him, for but offering to putt in, with my experience. I'le be iudg'd by you, Gentlemen, now, but for one conceit of mine! would not a fine Pumpe vpon the Stage ha'done well, for a property now? and a Punque set vnder vpon her head, with her Sterne vpward, and ha'beene sous'd by my wity young masters o'the Innes o'Court? what thinke you o'this for a shew, now? hee will not heare o'this! I am an Asse! I! and yet I kepte the Stage in Master Tarletons time, I thanke my starres. Ho! and that man had liu'd to haue play'd in Bartholmew Fayre, you should ha'seene him ha'come in, and ha'beene coozened i'the Cloath-quarter, so finely! And Adams, the Rogue, ha'leap'd and caper'd vpon him, and ha'dealt his vermine about, as though they had cost him nothing. And then a substantiall watch to ha'stolne in vpon 'hem, and taken 'hem away, with mistaking words, as the fashion is, in the Stage-practice.

Booke-holder: Scriuener. To him.

Booke. How now? what rare discourse are you falne vpon? ha? ha'you found any familiars here, that you are so free? what's the businesse?

Sta. Nothing, but the vnderstanding Gentlemen o'the ground here, ask'd my iudgement.

Booke. Your iudgement, Rascall? for what? sweeping the Stage? or gathering vp the broken Apples for the beares within? Away Rogue, it's come to a fine degree in these spectacles when such a youth as you pretend to a iudgement. And yet hee may, i'the most o'this matter i'faith: For the Author hath writ it iust to his Meridian, and the Scale of the grounded Iudgements here, his Play-fellowes in wit. Gentlemen; not for want of a Prologue, but by way of a new one, I am sent out to you here, with a Scriuener, and certaine Articles drawne out in hast betweene our Author, and you; which if you please to heare, and as they appeare reasonable, to approue of; the Play will follow presently. Read, Scribe, gi'me the Counterpaine.

Scr. Articles of Agreement, indented, betweene the Spectators or Hearers, at the Hope on the Bankeside, in the County of Surrey on the one party; And the Author of Bartholmew Fayre in the said place, and County on the other party: the one and thirtieth day of Octob. 1614 and in the twelfth yeere of the Raigne of our Soueragine Lord, Iames by the grace of God King of England, France, & Ireland; Defender of the faith. And of Scotland the seauen and fortieth.

Inprimis, It is couenanted and agreed, by and betweene the parties abouesaid, and the said Spectators, and Hearers, aswell the curious and enuious, as the fauouring and iudicious, as also the grounded Iudgements and vnderstandings, doe for themselues seuerally Couenant, and agree to remaine in the places, their money or friends haue put them in, with patience, for the space of two houres and an halfe, and somewhat more. In which time the Author promiseth to present them by vs, with a new sufficient Play called Bartholmew Fayre, merry, and as full of noise, as sport: made to delight all, and to offend none. Prouided they haue either, the wit or the honesty to thinke well of themselues.

It is further agreed that euery person here, haue his or their free-will of censure, to like or dislike at their owne charge, the Author hauing now departed with his right: It shall be lawfull for any man to iudge his six pen'orth his twelue pen'orth, so to his eighteene pence, 2. shillings, halfe a crowne, to the value of his place: Prouided alwaies his place get not aboue his wit. And if he pay for halfe a dozen, hee may censure for all them too, so that he will vndertake that they shall bee silent. Hee shall put in for Censures here, as they doe for lots at the lottery: mary if he drop but sixe pence at the doore, and will censure a crownes worth, it is though there is no conscience, or iustice in that.

It is also agreed, that euery man heere, exercise his owne Iudgement, and not censure by Contagion, or vpon trust, from anothers voice, or face, that fits by him, be he neuer so first, in the Commission of Wit; As also, that heebee fixt and settled in his censure, that whay hee approues, or not approues to day, hee will doe the same to morrow, and if to morrow, the next day, and so the next weeke (if neede be:) and not to be brought about by any that fits on the Bench with him, though they indite, and arraigne Playes daily. Hee that will sweare, Ieronimo, or Andronicus are the best playes, yet, shall passe vnexcepted at, heere, as a man whose Iudgement shewes it is constant, and hath stood still, these fiue and twentie, or thirtie yeeres. Though it be an Ignorance, it is a vertuous and stay'd ignorance; and next to truth, a confirm'd errour does well; such a one the Author knowes where to finde him.

It is further couenanted, concluded and agreed, that how great soeuer the expectation bee, no person here, is to expect more then he knowes, or better ware then a Fayre will affoord: neyther to looke backe to the sword and buckler-age of Smithfield, but content himselfe with the present. In stead of a little Dauy, to take toll o'the Bawds, the Author doth promise a strutting Horse-courser, withe a leere-Drunkard, two or three to attend him, in as good Equipage as you would wish. And then for Kinde-heart, the Tooth-drawer, a fine oyly Pig-woman with her Tapster, to bid you welcome, and a consort of Roarers for musique. A wife Iustice or Peace meditant, in stead of a Iugler, with an Ape. A ciuill Cutpurse searchant. A sweete Singer of new Ballads allurant: and as fresh an Hypocrite, as euer was broach'd rampant. If there bee neuer a Seruant-monster i'the Fayre; who can helpe it? he sayes; nor a nest of Antiques? Hee is loth to make Nature afraid in his Playes, like those that beget Tales, Tempests, and such like Drolleries, to mixe his head with other mens heeles, let the concupisence of Iigges and Dances, raigne as strong as it will amongst you: yet if the Puppets will please any body, they shall be entreated to come in.

In consideration of which, it is finally agreed, by the foresaid hearers, and spectators, that they neyther in themselues conceale, nor suffer by them to be concealed any State-decipherer, or politique Picklocke of the Scene, so solemnly ridiculous, as to search out, who was meant by the Ginger-bread-woman, who by the Hobby-horse-man, who by the Costard-monger, nay, who by their Wares. Or that will pretend to affirme (on his owne inspired ignorance) what Mirror of Magistrates is meant by the Iustice, what great Lady by the Pigge-woman, what conceal'd States-man by the Seller of Mouse-trappes, and so of the rest. But that such person, or persons, so found, be left discouered to the mercy of the Author, as a forfeiture to the Stage, and your laughter, aforesaid. As also, such as shall so desperately, or ambitiously, play the foole by his place aforesaid, to challenge the Author of scurrilitie, because the language some where sauours of Smithfield, the Booth, and the Pig-broath, or of prophanenesse, because a Mad-man cryes, God quit you, or blesse you. In witnesse whereof, as you haue preposterously put to your Seales already (which is your money) you will now adde the other part of suffrage, your hands, The Play shall presently begin. And though the Fayre be not kepte in the same Region, that some here, perhaps, would haue it, yet thinke, that therein the Author hath obseru'd a speciall Decorum, the place being as durty as Smithfield, and as stinking euery whit.

Howsoeuer, hee prayes you the beleeue, his Ware is still the same, else you will make him iustly suspect that hee that is so loth to looke on a Baby, or an Hobby-horse, heere, would bee glad to take vp a Commodity of them, at any laughter, or loffe, in another place.