Bill the Minder/The Ancient Mariner
THE ANCIENT MARINER
THE next thing to be done was certainly to make the old King comfortable, so Bill took him home, and the good Chloe dosed him well with hot gruel, and made him put his feet in hot water, and sent him to bed. After remaining snugly tucked up for a few days, the cheerful old soul was ready and eager to start with his new army for Troy.
In the meantime Bill, with the assistance of Crispin, had constructed a wonderful perambulator, in which the King could be conveyed with his luggage and such comforts as would be necessary for the old man during his progress.
Having secured the permission of Crispin and Chloe, and of the other parents concerned (most of whom seemed only too glad to get rid of the lot), Bill, the King, and all the gallant young soldiers started on their adventurous journey. Loud were the shouts of admiration as the brave creatures marched down the village street; and at last, when they had entirely disappeared, the place seemed suddenly so quiet and dull that all retired to their bedrooms and gave way to tears.
However, our duty is to follow the young braves. Having marched along the road across the Downs for some distance, they met the strangest couple,—a kind-looking old gentleman who, to judge from his appearance, had spent the greater part of his life upon the ocean, carrying in his arms, carefully and tenderly as though he were a frail young baby, another man, with the saddest and most thoughtful face that you ever beheld. Such touching kindness deeply affected all who witnessed it, and Bill at once greeted the good gentleman, and begged of him to account to them for his very strange appearance on the country road.
'Sirs,' said the Ancient Mariner, as he placed his burden lovingly on the ground, 'my name is Jack, Plain Jack, and I am the ninth mate of the Swedish ship Turnip, a brig-rigged barquentine, that sailed from Cherry Garden Pier for Margate with a cargo of camels, in the year 1840, and has never since been heard of.
'Though a born sailor, I succeeded my father in what was one of the best corn-chandler's businesses in that part of Barking. By my industry and thrift I, in time, so bettered my position and improved my business that I felt fully entitled to settle down and enter into the state of matrimony. For some years I had had my eye on the enchanting Jane Osbaldistone de Trevor, whose father kept a large brill farm by Barking Creek,—in fact, the largest of the many brill farms that used, in those days, to line the river from Limehouse Reach to Cherry Garden Pier.
'His wealth and importance did not deter me from aspiring to the hand of his fascinating daughter; and why should they have done so? Was not I in the very promising position of owning the largest corn-chandler's store, from Wapping Old Stairs even as far down as Barking Creek? And then, again, was not I as well born as he, for did not my ancestors chandle corn in Barking long before the De Trevors had crossed the Channel, when they may, indeed, have earned a precarious livelihood by letting bathing-machines on the beach at Boulogne?
'Nevertheless, on my broaching the subject to the old gentleman, he threw every conceivable obstacle in my way, and made conditions that were wellnigh impossible of being carried out. "If," said he, "you can bring to me, within the next few years, some object more wonderful than anything in the Bethnal Green Museum,—some object beside which St. Paul's Cathedral, the Monument, the Tower of London, or the Tower Bridge will be as uninteresting as an old one-bladed pocket-knife,—then you shall marry my daughter, but not otherwise"; and he chuckled to himself, knowing only too well that he had wellnigh dashed my hopes for ever.
'But, after all, little did he know Plain Jack. Disappointed, but with some hope yet of claiming the lovely Jane, I sold my business for a considerable sum of money, which I took with me in my sea-chest, and signed on as Cabin Boy aboard the Swedish ship, Turnip, fully determined to travel all over the world, if necessary, in order to fulfil the conditions imposed upon me by the irritating old gentleman.
'Foreseeing well how useful my superior officers might be to me in my quest, I resolved, as far as possible to deserve their good-will, and I behaved with such exemplary conduct that before we had passed Greenwich Hospital I was promoted to the rank of twelfth mate.
'Still persevering in my good intentions, I performed many little acts of kindness, such as brewing the captain a cup of tea when he least expected it, and handing round to the officers and crew bars of colt's-foot rock, a supply of which I took good care to bring with me. I repeat, so continually attentive was I, that, before we had passed the Nore, I was promoted to the rank of eleventh mate.
'Off Herne Bay, I was still further able to gratify the captain and officers by pointing out to them the various public buildings and places of interest, which I had visited only last year during a delightful weekend trip. So delighted were they all that, before sighting Margate, I was promoted to the rank of tenth mate.
'On arriving at Margate, numerous merchants came along the jetty in bath-chairs to examine our cargo. None, however, wanted to buy camels; all wanted donkeys for the sands. In spite of the captain's argument, that camels were much more used to sand than donkeys, having spent the best part of their lives on the sands of the desert, the merchants were obdurate, and we had to sail away again with our camels. We also now carried with us a shipload of Carraway Comfits, which we had purchased at Margate, hoping to be able to dispose of them at some port, and so compensate ourselves for the loss of business at Margate.
'For many days we sailed on and on, out through the Yarmouth Roads into the Persian Gulf, one incident alone standing out vividly in my memory during this part of the voyage. It was the dog-watch, on a lovely summer evening; we were making little way, just sufficient to enliven the whitebait that leapt and prattled round our prow, or disturb a lazy brill that dozed upon our course. Here and there the 
I SIGN ON AS CABIN BOY
spotted tunny would leap several yards from the sea, to descend again with a mighty smack upon the waters. From afar, borne upon the gentle breeze, came the low grizzle of the sperm-whale as it herded its young, or the thud of the mighty sword-fish, as it drove home the deadly weapon with which Nature, knowing its own ends, has provided him; while, mellowed by even greater distance, the high-pitched yell of the land-cod and the shriek of its maddened prey, could now and again be heard. I was lazily reclining among the peak halyards, whittling out a mermaid's head from a piece of hard-boiled gannet's egg, which I intended to send to Jane, should a passing vessel give me such an opportunity. Full of peace, and imbued with the calm that pervaded the sea and the sky, I was hardly prepared for the shock in store for me. Suddenly, without any warning, I was jerked from my position among the halyards, and flung head-first into the sea. Down, and down I went, until, nearly exhausted, I made one great effort to come to the surface. When at last I reached it, I found that from some unknown cause the ship had been tilted nearly on to its side, and thus had sent me almost to the bottom of the sea.
'To climb on deck and ascertain the cause of the disaster was the work of a moment. It transpired that the cargo of carraway comfits had got shifted and was mixed up with the camels. The captain was asleep at the time, and every one else seemed to lose his wits, so I at once took the matter into my own hands, and descended into the hold with twelve picked men.
'The plight of the camels was sad indeed to see. Some were fearfully chafed with the comfits, thus proving with what force the latter must have been showered upon them by the shifting of the cargo. Fortunately, however, although it was very black in the ship's hold, the camels were easily distinguished from the comfits, and it was only a work of patience and a little time to sift them and so right the ship again.
'When the captain awakened and learnt how I had saved the ship, his gratitude knew no bounds, and he still further promoted me by making me his ninth mate.
'For years we sailed from port to port, taking in one cargo here, another there, occasionally with some advantage to ourselves, but more often with none at all, and never with any good fortune attending me in my quest. When we were about thirty days' sail out from Guatemala, and, as far as I could tell, in latitude 195 and longitude 350 (that is, about 60 degrees east of the Equator), we encountered a storm which brought me to the successful accomplishment of my quest. It was four bells and my watch below, so I had gone aloft in the mizzen shrouds, and with my feet resting idly on the top-gallant backstay, holding securely to the weather topsail reeftackle, I munched a tunny sandwich, a few of which I had prevailed upon the steward to cut for me. Under a clear sky, we were making roughly, I should say, about 335 knots, and it was already blowing half a gale; a choppy sea was running, yet, except for the clots of spindrift, that now and again hurtled against the mast, there was no real promise of the storm to come; so I went on with my sandwiches.
'We were now sailing close-hauled under double-reefed main storm topsails and fore and aft main staysails, keeping a good course and shipping very little water, when, suddenly, I beheld on the horizon, 
I WENT ON WITH MY SANDWICHES
well to windward, a little cloud no larger than a tomato,—the English tomato, I mean, not the foreign species, though it rapidly attained that size. It grew larger and larger until it was quite the size of a full-grown vegetable marrow; yet, little recking that it contained the seeds of the terrible tempest that was so soon to overwhelm us, I still went on with my sandwiches.
'Presently the gale increased, and the seas swelled up to the size of Ludgate Hill. Whole shoals of the passive skate arose to the surface and flopped warningly about our vessel. To leeward could be seen flocks of the wild sea shrike, whose ominous bark could be distinctly heard above the snort of the coming tempest. By now the cloud had half filled the heavens; the seas rose higher and higher; the din was terrific, as the wind tore from the sea shoal upon shoal of the shy sardine and whirled them through the air. Soon the ship was drenched in the high seas that continually broke over her and the quarts and quarts of rain that wolloped from the dense cloud now covering the whole sky and blotting out all light.
'At last came the order from the captain, who now realised the danger that threatened his vessel. "Up helm," roared he, through his speaking-trumpet, "clew up the lee braces of the topsail halyards; haul out the reef tackle and brail up the spanker." But the command came too late. The fore-topsail studding booms went by the board, carrying with them the bowsprit, the main mast, the fo'c's'le, the topgallant studding-sail halyard, and the captain's tobacco-pouch, which had been placed upon the bowsprit earlier in the afternoon. Nothing could now be seen except, here and there, the gleam on some fish as it was whirled, with the masts, men, boots, screws, sharks, thimbles, sea anemones, watch-chains, ship's stores, planks, and other miscellaneous objects, through the sky. I had barely finished my last sandwich when, lo, everything became a blank to me and I lost all consciousness.
'How long I remained thus I cannot say, but I awakened on the sandy shore of some island, upon which I had been thrown by the force of the wind. Nothing could I see of my companions: a few planks and spars and my own wretched self were all that remained to tell the tale of the good ship Turnip.
'The wind had dropped, and it was a beautiful morning, not a trace of the storm remaining, only here and there the panting of the crayfish, as they nestled behind the rocks, or the gasping of the oysters telling of the strain they had undergone. I gazed along the shore in each direction, hoping to discover a bathing-machine, and so satisfy myself that the island was inhabited. Nothing was in sight, however, so I lay down again and dozed. When I awoke once more it was high noon, and the vertical rays of the sun warned me that it was time to take shelter. I raised myself on one arm with this intention, when I became aware of a strange figure, dressed in a long robe and with a great turban, who was seated on a rock near by, gazing out to sea.
'I got to my feet with considerable difficulty as I was faint with hunger and stiff in the limbs, and was about to approach the object, when I discovered two more figures, who evidently had the same intention. Seemingly they did not wish to be observed by the singular creature I have already described, for they were stealthily approaching him from behind, creeping from rock to rock. I at once stooped down behind a great star-fish, determined to watch unobserved.
'I now noticed that both were savages, and that one of them held close to his body an old, rusty kitchen-range; while the other carried, in one hand, a basket of coals, and with the other supported a huge, iron sauce-pan across his shoulders. Nearer and nearer drew the cannibals (as I soon guessed them to be) to their intended victim, who, however, either because he did not hear them, or did not dread them, took no notice at all. Presently they were crouching down behind him, and he was still apparently unconscious of their presence. Then, with a wild whoop they leapt into the air, and dropped on the ground in front of him. Even now the amazing creature took no notice of the cannibals or their antics, as they danced and yelled around him. Soon realising that there was something very unusual in his reception of them, they stared in awe and amazement at him for some time, and then fled in terror, leaving the saucepan, the kitchen-range and the other cooking utensils behind them.
'They ran along the sands, and dropped behind a rock at a great distance away, where they remained completely hidden for some long time. Presently, however, one black head appeared for an instant above the rock, and gazed in the direction of the thoughtful creature by the sea. This head was very quickly withdrawn from view and another popped up,—only to disappear as quickly. Then the first appeared again, and so on. This continued until they had regained a little of their nerve, when I could see them once more crawling back to the abstracted figure on the shore. Again they drew very close to him, and now that they had sufficiently mastered their fears, they approached and examined him very closely, and proceeded at once to prepare their evening meal. First of all they lit the fire, then they carefully placed their unresisting victim in the saucepan, after filling it with water from the sea, and were just about to lift it on to the range when I lost all patience, and shouted from my hiding-place, "Hold!" so many times in quick succession, and each time in a different tone of voice, that the cannibals must have thought there were at least thirty men or more in hiding. At any rate, they fled in the most abject terror, never to return.
'Giving them good time to disappear, I now emerged from my hiding-place and approached the absentminded creature, gently lifting him from the saucepan, in which I found him still sitting and gazing out to sea. Gathering together many sea-urchins, rockbeetles, and branches of a succulent sea-weed, with 
FOR YEARS WE SAILED
which the beach had been strewn by the recent storm, I prepared an exquisite stew, and made a very hearty meal. I was also able to induce my companion to take some, without, however, succeeding in breaking his train of thought.
'For many months no other friend had I than this preoccupied curiosity, who seemed quite unable to give me any clue as to who he was or whence he came. Perhaps he had been shipwrecked there in childhood—who knows?—and wandered there ever since, the wonder of every limpet or lugworm that squirmed upon those shores, or the sport of every mer-kid that flipped a fin in those unknown waters.
'To cut a long story short, I soon realised that here was the object I was in search of, and that if this dreamy creature did not sufficiently astonish old De Trevor, and compel him to consent to my marrying his daughter, nothing on this earth would do the deed, so I resolved to leave the island with my treasure as soon as I could make it possible to do so. I set about making a raft, which I quickly succeeded in completing, having since my childhood had a great knack at the making of rafts, and, without undue delay, I embarked with my prize, provisioned with as many shell-fish and branches of the succulent sea-weed as the raft would carry.
'After some few months, and just as we had finished our last limpet, we had the good fortune to be picked up by a tramp-steamer, bound for Saskatchewan from Mombasa, with a cargo of periwinkles. The captain was such a kind-hearted man that, on hearing my story he decided to go out of his course, and land us at Cherry Garden Pier; and so, my good friends, after sixty years' sailing all over the globe, I arrived home again, a poorer but a kinder man.
'You may be sure that I lost no time in seeking out Jane herself, with every hope of at last being able to claim her hand, but alas! gentlemen,' said the Ancient Mariner, with a large, salt tear about to fall from each eye, and as he once more tenderly lifted his burden, 'I was to find that Jane had become a very, very old woman, with many little grandchildren of The sport of every mer-kid
her own, and that she had entirely forgotten my existence. She had me turned away from her doorstep as a raving madman, even with my interesting, absentminded, and inseparable companion.
'Thus, Good Sirs, I have to start life anew, and if my great experience should be of any service to you, believe me, it is yours to command.'
