Bill the Minder/The Siege of Troy

THE SIEGE OF TROY

EARLY one fine morning, before the soldiers had arisen, the King, in a very excited state, called his general to his bedside and, pointing through the opening of his tent, said:—

'Bill, can you see, far away upon the horizon, that little point of light?' And Bill, straining his eyes in the direction indicated, was indeed able to detect a little flash, as though the sun were shining upon a cucumber frame many miles away.

'Well,' said the old man, 'that is the reflection of the sun upon the dome of my palace in Troy.'

Bill, delighted that at last they were nearing their journey's end, went off and awakened the camp with the glad news, and all came running out and gazed in the direction of Troy; and so heartened were the brave fellows at the sight that they gave three resounding cheers.

Their eagerness to be off was so great that there was no breakfast that morning, and soon performing a hurried toilet, and speedily packing up their sticks, they were on the move once more. The King's excitement knew no bounds and, after distributing amongst his followers the contents of his pocket, he insisted on climbing out of his chariot, and giving each of his officers in turn a ride therein. Having travelled some little way, the King suddenly called a halt, and held up his hand for silence, and then, in the clear air, could be heard the bells of Troy! More excited than ever, the King now took off his crown, and removing some of the jewels with the pen-knife which Bill had presented to him on his birthday, gave one to each of his chief officers.

In a little time the towers of Troy came into view, on the further edge of the great plain they were crossing, and the elated King, quite beside himself with joy and expectation at this glorious sight, stood upon the seat of his chariot and danced, much to the alarm of Boadicea, who was wheeling him. He then sat down again, and, taking off his slippers, he threw them, one by one, as high into the air as he could, and caught them as they descended. As they came nearer and nearer to their goal the old fellow's spirits rose to such a pitch that something really had to be done, so the musician was told-off to play soothing tunes to him, and in time the excitable creature calmed down, only, however, to break out again when they halted that night before the walls of Troy. At last, to keep him quiet once and for all, and out of everybody's way, they put him to bed with a soothing-draught made up by the doctor.

The approach of the gallant fellows had been closely observed from the watch-towers of the city, and, in consequence, they found the gates fast closed when they halted before them. And, as nothing could be done that night, they fixed up their camp and retired to rest.

On the following morning, Bill sent the merchant's wife as an ambassadress into the city, to demand its instant surrender, and very gladly she undertook the task.

'This is quite in my line,' said she, as she knocked for admittance at the gate, through which she was admitted after a little delay. Bill waited anxiously for her reappearance, hoping that the King of Persia would be wise enough to give up the city without further trouble, but suddenly a great roar resounded from the other side of the walls, and almost immediately afterwards the ambassadress, with tufts of the Persian King's hair held between her clenched fingers, was thrown out of the gates.

Closely observed from the watch towers

'There's nothing for it now,' thought Bill, 'but to lay siege to the place,' and he at once proceeded to walk round the city and examine the nature of the ground; after which he mustered his whole force before him, and disposed them according to the accompanying plan:—

In this way Bill completely surrounded the city, allowing no provisions of any kind to enter, and prepared to wait until the inhabitants had exhausted all their stores, and could hold out no longer.

These were the instructions of General Bill to his army, to be faithfully carried out during the siege:—

1. That the King was not to be allowed out of his tent on any account, in spite of his impatience.

2. That, with the exception of the general and the scout, no warrior was allowed, without his officer's permission, to leave his post, day or night, during the siege, and if any one were discovered sleeping without one eye open, his allowance of sugar for porridge next morning was to be stopped.

3. That the scout was to be continually on the move.

4. That Boadicea was to prepare all the meals, and that at each meal time she was to take the food she had cooked to the soldiers (an extra large portion being always reserved for the King).

5. That every morning, with breakfast, she was to take to each his boots brightly polished, a bowl of hot water to wash in, and a comb, and that every evening she should bring them their slippers and their night-shirts.

For three years the siege went on, in quite a peaceful and, at times, even a pleasant way, with no sign at all of the Trojans feeling any discomfort; in fact, since the Merchant's Wife had been turned from the city, not a sound had been heard from within the walls.

Now it happened one morning, about this time, that the gates, to every one's surprise, were thrown open, and a messenger, with a flag of truce, came forth. The poor fellow looked hungry enough, indeed, yet the Merchant's Wife roughly seized upon the famished creature, much to his annoyance, and brought him to the general. Bill, hoping that he had come with an offer from the King of Persia to surrender the city, joyfully handed the young man a chair and a biscuit, and, before allowing him to speak, insisted on his eating a bowl of hot porridge. When he had hungrily demolished the food. Bill kindly invited him to deliver his message, which, in a hesitating manner, he thus proceeded to do:—

'The King of Persia sends greetings to his dear old friend, the King of Troy, and wishes to assure him that he bears no ill-will towards him. On the contrary, his happiest moments are spent in recalling those far-off times when, as young children, they played the livelong day together, in good-will and friendliness. He also begs him, for a few minutes, to allow his natural kindness to overcome his enmity, and send his old friend, now faint with hunger, enough suet to make just a little pudding for himself

Bill, a trifle disappointed, took the message to the King of Troy, who seemed very much affected on hearing it.

THESE PARCELS WERE NOW LABELLED

'Give the old fellow a cracknel,' roared he, 'and tell him that if he surrenders the city at once, he can have as nice a snack of dinner as he could wish.'

The messenger returned to the city with the message and the cracknel, and Bill waited all through the day and night, but no word came from the city.

After breakfast next morning, when, as Bill thought, the King of Persia would be feeling hungry, he called to him the nine stout sons of Crispin and Chloe and then summoned to him the Merchant's Wife and the Sicilian Char-woman, and between them they managed to wrap up each of the brave lads in brown paper, properly secured with strong string, making nine very neat parcels. The general had previously instructed the brave fellows how to act at the right moment, and in the meantime to remain perfectly still. These parcels were now labelled severally lemon cheese cake, fairy cakes, rock cakes, Jumbles, raspberry noyeau, mince pies, Pontefract cakes and peppermint cushions, and then all neatly piled upon the King's wheeling-chair, which Bill had borrowed for the purpose.

Solemnly preceded by Bill, the Merchant's Wife and the Char-woman (being the two strongest people in the forces) now wheeled the chair up to the gates, in front of which they emptied its contents.

The hungry Trojans had observed their approach, from the walls above which could now be seen innumerable heads popping up and down, and no sooner did they see what the chair was supposed to contain than they climbed down, and without any hesitation opened the gates. Bill then spoke to the Trojans in the following words:—

'The King of Troy sends greetings to the King of Persia and hearing that his stores are exhausted, and, although at war with him, not wishing that he should suffer any serious discomfort, begs his acceptance of these provisions.' Bill and the two ladies now retired with the empty wheeling-chair and took up their position before the walls once more.

In the meanwhile the parcels were taken into the city and presented to the King of Persia who was then sitting, with the whole of his court, hungrily wondering what was going to happen next. The parcels were heaped up before him, and he could hardly conceal his delight and eagerness to begin on the victuals at once. All his courtiers too seemed quite inclined to forget their manners and help themselves before they were asked. The King now took up the largest parcel, labelled Pontefract cakes, which happened to contain Hannibal, when at a given signal each one of the courageous young fellows broke from his confinement and at once set on those around him. Hannibal and Noah seized the Persian King and bound him securely with some of the string from the parcels; each of the other brave sons of Crispin bound some minister or courtier in the same way, and the rest of the court fled from the palace in abject terror.

The nine lads now gave chase, and the panic which possessed the affrighted courtiers spread, in no time, through the city, and the whole of the inhabitants were soon fleeing before the infuriated fellows.

Possessed with the idea that their pursuers were in much greater force than they really were, the scared wretches made for the gates of the city, out of which they ran as hard as they could. Bill, the General, wisely allowed them to pass through his lines, which they did in the maddest terror, and then fled far away over the plain, as the besieging forces once more closed in around the city.

Seeing that the gates still remained open. Bill now marshalled his gallant army, and in one grand procession led them into the city.

In front of all solemnly marched the General; then the Real Soldier; then the Merchant's Wife; then the Sicilian Char-woman, proudly waving her flag; then followed a number of Bill's charges, the Ancient

AND PACKED HIM OFF TO PERSIA

Mariner, the Doctor, Camp-followers, the Musician playing triumphant music on his concertina, more Camp-followers, the Respectable Gentleman, the Scout, the Wild Man, yet more Camp-followers, the Merchant, and, last of all, preceded by the graceful Triplets, came the proud and glad old King himself, wheeled in great state by the faithful Boadicea, and guarded by the principal policeman of Troutpeg. The nine stout sons of Crispin, together with the remaining children, formed a guard of honour, extending from the city gates as far as the front door of the Palace, into which the excited and Royal old creature entered at last amid the cheers of his gallant followers.

His first act was to release the King of Persia, and after accepting very graciously his humble and sincere apologies for his unkindness, the clement old fellow gave him a good breakfast and packed him off to Persia. In a like kindly manner he treated the courtiers, after they had all suitably begged his pardon; and the inhabitants, who came trooping back as soon as they heard how graciously the rightful King was behaving, one and all clamoured to shake the delighted old monarch by the hand and pay their homage to him.

Thus, after all his trials and privations, this Royal and kindly creature was restored to his throne. The crown was done up and beautifully polished, and the old King once more crowned in great state. To show his gratitude to his brave and faithful followers he

TROY BECAME THE HAPPIEST TOWN

appointed them all (with the exception of the Triplets, who soon returned to Blowdripping) to places of honour in his court. Thus:—

Bill,	Commander-in-chief of the Army.
The Real Soldier,	General under Bill.
The Scout,	Officer of the Army.
Nine Sons of Crispin,	Bodyguard to the King.
The Camp-Followers and others,	The Army.
Boadicea,	Royal Housekeeper.
Ancient Mariner,	Admiral of the Fleet.
Sicilian Char-woman,	Head Char-woman to Royal Household.
The Merchant's Wife,	Superintendent of the Prison.
The Doctor,	Court Physician.
Ptolemy Jenkinson,	King's Valet.
Respectable Gentleman,	Master of Good Behaviour to the Royal Household.
Long Man,	Hall Porter at Royal Palace.
Musician,	Court Musician.
Wild Man,	Park Keeper.
Policeman,	Preserver of the Peace.

With such a gallant court and brave army around him the dear old man was saved from further troubles in his State during the remainder of his long and happy reign. In fact Troy became the very happiest town in the world, and the old King's noble followers were so contented with their lot that they never again left the city of Troy.