Creole Sketches/A Kentucky Colonel Renting Rooms

by Lafcadio Hearn

A KENTUCKY COLONEL RENTING ROOMS^[1]

"Ah, one thing more—de name of monsieur?"

"Colonel Zachariah Mart—"

"Alors, Alors, it must dat monsieur pay to me of advance."

"But why in thunderation didn't you tell me at first?"

"Ah, because monsieur did not tell to me vat he be one Colonel. I do not have, monsieur, of fait' in peoples military. Dere vas one Captain vat swindle me of sixty dollaire, one Major vat cheat me of fifty dollaire, one Doctor Military of t'irty-nine dollaire, one Colonel of one hoondred and elefen dollaire. And dere was one General vat ask me de oder day—"

"Yes, ma'am; but that don't apply to the Kaintucky—"

"Attendez donc, monsieur, until I be finish! De General say he nevaire pay of advance, but only all de tree mont. And den I tell him I not can do. He go way; so after I hear vat he owe tree hundred and ninety-seven dol—"

"But d——! excuse me, ma'am! I'll shell out for a month in advance!"

"One mont! Den, monsieur, I not ever can believe dat you ever have be one Colonel!"

"Well! I'll be Jehovahly— ...!!!"

"Pauline! en haut-là! Descendes donc pour m'arranger cette affaire. Je suis tout embaralificotée!!!"

1. Item, November 15, 1879.