Familiar Colloquies/The Epithalamium of Peter Ægidius

by Desiderius Erasmus

The EPITHALAMIUM of PETRUS ÆGIDIUS. The ARGUMENT.
The Muses and Graces are brought in, as singing the Epithalamium of Peter Ægidius. Alipius spies the nine Muses, and the three Graces coming out of a Grove, which Balbinus can't see: They take their Way to Antwerp, to the Wedding of Ægidius, to whom they wish all joy, that nothing of Difference or Uneasiness may ever arise between 'em. How those Marriages prove that are made, the Graces not favouring 'em. Congratulatory Verses.
ALIPIUS, BALBINUS, MUSÆ.

Al.	Good God! What strange glorious Sight do I see here?
Ba.	Either you see what is not to be seen, or I can't see that which is to be seen.
Al.	Nay, I'll assure you, 'tis a wonderful charming Sight.
Ba.	Why do you plague me at this Rate? Tell me, where 'tis you see it.
Al.	Upon the left Hand there in the Grove, under the Side of the Hill.
Ba.	I see the Hill, but I can see nothing else.
Al.	No! don't you see a Company of pretty Maids there?
Ba.	What do you mean, to make a Fool of me at this Rate? I can't see a bit of a Maid any where.
Al.	Hush, they're just now coming out of the Grove. Oh admirable! How neat they are! How charmingly they look! 'Tis a heavenly Sight.
Ba.	What! Are you possess'd?
Al.	Oh, I know who they are; they're the nine Muses and the three Graces, I wonder what they're a-doing. I never in all my Life saw 'em more charmingly dress'd, nor in a gayer Humour; they have every one of 'em got Crowns of Laurel upon their Heads, and their Instruments of Musick in their Hands. And how lovingly the Graces go Side by Side! How becomingly they look in their loose Dress, with their Garments flowing and trailing after 'em.
Ba.	I never heard any Body talk more like a mad Man in all my Days, than you do.
Al.	You never saw a happier Man in all your Life-Time.
Ba.	Pray what's the Matter, that you can see and I can't?
Al.	Because you have never drank of the Muses Fountain; and no Body can see 'em but they that have.
Ba.	I have drank plentifully out of Scotus's Fountain.
Al.	But that is not the Fountain of the Muses, but a Lake of Frogs.
Ba.	But can't you do something to make me see this Sight, as well as you?
Al.	I could if I had a Laurel-Branch here, for Water out of a clear Spring, sprinkled upon one with a Laurel Bough, makes the Eyes capable of such Sights as these.
Ba.	Why, see here is a Laurel and a Fountain too.
Al.	Is there? That's clever, I vow.
Ba.	But prithee, sprinkle me with it.
Al.	Now look, do you see now?
Ba.	As much as I did before. Sprinkle me again.
Al.	Well, now do you see?
Ba.	Just as much; sprinkle me plentifully.
Al.	I believe you can't but see now.
Ba.	Now I can scarce see you.
Al.	Ah poor Man, how total a Darkness has seized your Eyes! This Art would open even the Eyes of an old Coachman: But however, don't plague yourself about it, perhaps 'tis better for you not to see it, lest you should come off as ill by seeing the Muses, as Actæon did by seeing Diana: For you'd perhaps be in Danger of being turn'd either into a Hedgehog, or a wild Boar, a Swine, a Camel, a Frog, or a Jackdaw. But however, if you can't see, I'll make you hear 'em, if you don't make a Noise; they are just a-coming this Way. Let's meet 'em. Hail, most welcome Goddesses.
Mu.	And you heartily, Lover of the Muses.
Al.	What makes you pull me so?
Ba.	You an't as good as your Word.
Al.	Why don't you hear 'em?
Ba.	I hear somewhat, but I don't know what it is.
Al.	Well, I'll speak Latin to 'em then. Whither are you going so fine and so brisk? Are you going to Louvain to see the University?
Mu.	No, we assure you, we won't go thither.
Al.	Why not?
Mu.	What Place is for us, where so many Hogs are grunting, Camels and Asses braying, Jackdaws cawing, and Magpies chattering?
Al.	But for all that, there are some there that are your Admirers.
Mu.	We know that, and therefore we'll go thither a few Years hence. The successive Period of Ages has not yet brought on that Time; for there will be one, that will build us a pleasant House there, or a Temple rather, such a one, as there scarce is a finer or more sacred any where else.
Al.	Mayn't a Body know who it will be, that shall do so much Honour to our Country?
Mu.	You may know it, that are one of our Priests. There's no doubt, but you have heard the Name of the Buslidians, famous all the World over.
Al.	You have mention'd a noble Family truly, born to grace the Palaces of the greatest Princes in the Universe. For who does not revere the great Francis Buslidius, the Bishop of the Church of Bezancon, who has approv'd himself more than a single Nestor, to Philip the Son of Maximilian the Great, the Father of Charles, who will also be a greater Man than his Father?
Mu.	O how happy had we been, if the Fates had not envy'd the Earth the Happiness of so great a Man, What a Patron was he to all liberal Studies! How candid a Favourer of Ingenuity! But he has left two brothers, Giles a Man of admirable Judgment and Wisdom, and Jerome.
Al.	We know very well that Jerome is singularly well accomplish'd with all Manner of Literature, and adorn'd with every Kind of Virtue.
Mu.	But the Destinies won't suffer him to be long-liv'd neither, though no Man in the World better deserves to be immortaliz'd.
Al.	How do you know that?
Mu.	We had it from Apollo.
Al.	How envious are the Destinies, to take from us all desirable Things so hastily!
Mu.	We must not talk of that at this Time; but this Jerome, dying with great Applause, will leave his whole Estate for the building of a College at Louvain, in which most learned Men shall profess and teach publickly, and gratis, the three Languages. These Things will bring a great Ornament to Learning, and Glory to Charles himself: Then we'll reside at Louvain, with all our Hearts.
Al.	But whither are you going now?
Mu.	To Antwerp.
Al.	What, the Muses and Graces going to a Fair?
Mu.	No, we assure you, we are not going to a Fair; but to a Wedding.
Al.	What have Virgins to do at Weddings?
Mu.	'Tis no indecent Thing at all, for Virgins to be at such a Wedding as this is.
Al.	Pray what Sort of a Marriage is it?
Mu.	A holy, undefiled, and chaste Marriage, such a one as Pallas herself need not be asham'd to be at: Nay, more than that, we believe she will be at it.
Al.	Mayn't a Body know the Bride and Bridegroom's Name?
Mu.	We believe you must needs know that most courteous and accomplish'd Youth in all Kinds of polite Learning, Peter Ægidius.
Al.	You have named an Angel, not a Man.
Mu.	The pretty Maid Cornelia, a fit Match for Apollo himself, is going to be married to Ægidius.
Al.	Indeed he has been a great Admirer of you, even from his Infancy.
Mu.	We are going to sing him an Epithalamium.
Al.	What, and will the Graces dance too?
Mu.	They will not only dance, but they will also unite those two true Lovers, with the indissoluble Ties of mutual Affection, that no Difference or Jarring shall ever happen between 'em. She shall never hear any Thing from him, but my Life; nor he from her, but my Soul: Nay: and even old Age itself, shall be so far from diminishing that, that it shall increase the Pleasure.
Al.	I should admire at it, if those that live so sweetly, could ever be able to grow old.
Mu.	You say very right, for it is rather a Maturity, than an old Age.
Al.	But I have known a great many, to whom these kind Words have been chang'd into the quite contrary, in less than three Months Time; and instead of pleasant Jests at Table, Dishes and Trenchers have flown about. The Husband, instead of my dear Soul, has been call'd Blockhead, Toss-Pot, Swill-Tub; and the Wife, Sow, Fool, dirty Drab.
Mu.	You say very true; but these Marriages were made when the Graces were out of Humour: But in this Marriage, a Sweetness of Temper will always maintain a mutual Affection.
Al.	Indeed you speak of such a happy Marriage as is very seldom seen.
Mu.	An uncommon Felicity is due to such uncommon Virtues.
Al.	But what! Will the Matrimony be without Juno and Venus?
Mu.	Indeed Juno won't be there, she's a scolding Goddess, and is but seldom in a good Humour with her own Jove. Nor indeed, that earthly drunken Venus; but another heavenly one, which makes a Union of Minds.
Al.	Then the Marriage you speak of, is like to be a barren one.
Mu.	No, by no Means, but rather like to be the most happily fruitful.
Al.	What, does that heavenly Venus produce any Thing but Souls then?
Mu.	Yes, she gives Bodies to the Souls; but such Bodies, as shall be exactly conformable to 'em, just as though you should put a choice Ointment into a curious Box of Pearl.
Al.	Where is she then?
Mu.	Look, she is coming towards you, a pretty Way off.
Al.	Oh! I see her now. O good God, how bright she is! How majestical and beautiful she appears! The t'other Venus compar'd with this, is a homely one.
Mu.	Do you see what modest Cupids there are; they are no blind ones, such as that Venus has, that makes Mankind mad? But these are sharp little Rogues, and they don't carry furious Torches, but most gentle Fires; they have no leaden-pointed Darts, to make the belov'd hate the Lover, and torment poor Wretches with the Want of a reciprocal Affection.
Al.	In Truth, they're as like their Mother as can be. Oh, that's a blessed House, and dearly belov'd by the Gods! But may not a Body hear the Marriage-Song that you design to present 'em with?
Mu.	Nay, we were just a-going to ask you to hear it. CLIO. Peter hath married fair Cornelia, Propitious Heaven! bless the Wedding-Day. MELPOMENE. Concord of Turtle-Doves between them be, And of the Jack-daw the Vivacity. THALIA. From Gracchus may he win the Prize, And for Cornelia's Life, his own despise. EUTERPE. May she in Love exceed Admetus' Wife, Who laid her own down, for her Husband's Life. TERPSICHORE. May he love her with stronger Flame, But much more happy Fate, Than Plaucius, who did disdain To out-live his deceas'd Mate. ERATO. May she love him with no less Flame, But with much better Fate; Than Porcia chaste, her Brutus did, Whom brave Men celebrate. CALLIOPE. For Constancy, I wish the Bridegroom may Be equal to the famous Nasica. URANIA. The Bride in Chastity may she Superior to Paterculana be. POLYHYMNIA. May their Offspring like them be, Their Honour equal their Estate; Always from ranc'rous Envy free, Deserved Glory on them wait.
Al.	I should very much envy Peter Ægidius so much Happiness, but that he is a Man of such Candour, that he himself envies no Body.
Mu.	It is now high Time for us to prosecute our Journey.
Al.	Have you any Service to command me at Louvain?
Mu.	That thou wouldst recommend us to all our sincere loving Friends; but especially to our antient Admirers. John Paludus, Jodocus Gaverius, Martin Dorpius, and John Borsalus.
Al.	Well, I'll be sure to take Care to do your Message. What shall I say to the rest?
Mu.	I'll tell you in your Ear.
Al.	Well, 'tis a Matter that won't cost very much; it shall certainly be done out of Hand.