Familiar Colloquies/The Impertinents; or, Cross-Purposes
THE IMPERTINENTS; OR, CROSS-PURPOSES.
Annius and Lucius.
An. I was told that you were at Pancratius' and Albina's wedding. Lu. 1 never had a more unhappy voyage in my life than at this time. An. What say you 1 Was there such a power of company then ? Lu. I never would have taken less for my life than at that time. An. See what it is to be rich ; now I had but a few at my wedding, and they were poor folks too. Lu. We were scarce put to sea, but a great storm arose. An. Why, you are talking of an assembly of the deities ; were there so many noblemen and ladies there 1 Lu. Boreas tore the sail in pieces and blew it quite away. An. I know the bride, she is a perfect beauty. Lu. Presently a wave comes and tears off the rudder. An. It is everybody's dpinion. And her bridegroom does not come much short of her in beauty, according to common report. Lu. What do you think we thought of the matter? An. It is very rare now-a-days for any to be maids when they are married. Lu. We were obliged to sail back again. An. You talk of an incre- dible portion. Lu. Presently we had another misfortune befel us. An. Why did they venture such a tender girl to such a boisterous fellow ? Lu. We espied a pirate ship. An. In truth, it is so in many cases ; naughtiness makes amends for want of age. Lu. There we had a double engagement, one with the sea and another with the pirates. An, What, so many services 1 and, in the meantime, nobody gives a farthing to the poor. Lu. What ! should we have struck sail 1 Nay, despair made us fight desperately. An. I am afraid it will be but a barren match, if what you say be true. Lu. Nay, we threw our grappling irons. An. This is a novelty indeed ! What, with child before marriage 1 Lu. Had you but seen the conflict, you would have sworn that I fought like a hero. An. Well, I find the marriage was not only made, but consummated too. Lu. We jumped aboard the pirate ship. An. But I admire that they invited you who are a stranger, and did not invite me who am related to the bride's father in the third degree of consanguinity. Lu. We threw them all overboard into the sea. An. You say right. The afflicted have no friends. Lu. We shared all the booty among us. An. I will rally the bride for it the first opportunity I have. Lu. It presently grew very calm ; you would have said it had been the halcyon days. An. If she has money, I have a stomachful spirit. I don't care a fig for her kindness. Lu. And so we brought two ships home instead of one. An. Let him be angry that will. Lu. Where am I going, do you ask 1 ? Why, to church, to make an offering of part of the sail to St. Nicholas. An. I am not at leisure to-day, I expect some friends to dine with me ; at another time I will not refuse.