Familiar Colloquies/The Penitent Virgin

by Desiderius Erasmus

The PENITENT VIRGIN

The ARGUMENT.

A Virgin repenting before she had profess'd herself, goes Home again to her Parents. The crafty Tricks of the Monks are detected, who terrify and frighten unexperienced Minds into their Cloysters, by feign'd Apparitions and Visions.

EUBULUS, CATHERINE.

Eu.	I could always wish to have such a Porter.
Ca.	And I to have such Visitors.
Eu.	But fare you well, Kitty.
Ca.	What's the Matter, do you take Leave before you salute?
Eu.	I did not come hither to see you cry: What's the Matter, that as soon as ever you see me, the Tears stand in your Eyes?
Ca.	Why in such Haste? Stay a little; pray stay. I'll put on my better Looks, and we'll be merry together.
Eu.	What Sort of Cattle have we got here?
Ca.	'Tis the Patriarch of the College: Don't go away, they have had their Dose of Fuddle: Stay but a little While, and as soon as he is gone, we will discourse as we use to do.
Eu.	Well, I'll be so good natur'd as to hearken to you, though you would not to me. Now we are alone, you must tell me the whole Story, I would fain have it from your Mouth.
Ca.	Now I have found by Experience, of all my Friends, which I took to be very wise Men too, that no Body gave more wise and grave Advice than you, that are the youngest of 'em all.
Eu.	Tell me, how did you get your Parents Consent at last?
Ca.	First, by the restless Sollicitations of the Monks and Nuns, and then by my own Importunities and Tears, my Mother was at length brought over; but my Father stood out stiffly still: But at last being ply'd by several Engines, he was prevail'd upon to yield; but yet, rather like one that was forced, than that consented. The Matter was concluded in their Cups, and they preach'd Damnation to him, if he refus'd to let Christ have his Spouse.
Eu.	O the Villany of Fools! But what then?
Ca.	I was kept close at Home for three Days; but in the mean Time there were always with me some Women of the College that they call Convertites, mightily encouraging me to persist in my holy Resolution, and watching me narrowly, lest any of my Friends or Kindred should come at me, and make me alter my Mind. In the mean While, my Habit was making ready, and the Provision for the Feast.
Eu.	How did you find yourself? Did not your Mind misgive you yet?
Ca.	No, not at all; and yet I was so horridly frighted, that I had rather die ten Times over, than suffer the same again.
Eu.	What was that, pray?
Ca.	It is not to be uttered.
Eu.	Come, tell me freely, you know I'm your Friend.
Ca.	Will you keep Counsel?
Eu.	I should do that without promising, and I hope you know me better than to doubt of it.
Ca.	I had a most dreadful Apparition.
Eu.	Perhaps it was your evil Genius that push'd you on to this.
Ca.	I am fully persuaded it was an evil Spirit.
Eu.	Tell me what Shape it was in. Was it such as we use to paint with a crooked Beak, long Horns, Harpies Claws, and swinging Tail?
Ca.	You make a Game of it, but I had rather sink into the Earth, than see such another.
Eu.	And were your Women Sollicitresses with you then?
Ca.	No, nor I would not so much as open my Lips of it to them, though they sifted me most particularly about it, when they found me almost dead with the Surprise.
Eu.	Shall I tell you what it was?
Ca.	Do if you can.
Eu.	Those Women had certainly bewitch'd you, or conjur'd your Brain out of your Head rather. But did you persist in your Resolution still, for all this?
Ca.	Yes, for they told me, that many were thus troubled upon their first consecrating themselves to Christ; but if they got the better of the Devil that Bout, he'd let them alone for ever after.
Eu.	Well, what Pomp were you carried out with?
Ca.	They put on all my Finery, let down my Hair, and dress'd me just as if it had been for my Wedding.
Eu.	To a fat Monk, perhaps; Hem! a Mischief take this Cough.
Ca.	I was carried from my Father's House to the College by broad Day-Light, and a World of People staring at me.
Eu.	O these Scaramouches, how they know to wheedle the poor People! How many Days did you continue in that holy College of Virgins, forsooth?
Ca.	Till Part of the twelfth Day.
Eu.	But what was it that changed your Mind, that had been so resolutely bent upon it?
Ca.	I must not tell you what it was, but it was something very considerable. When I had been there six Days, I sent for my Mother; I begged of her, and besought her, as she lov'd my Life, to get me out of the College again. She would not hear on't, but bad me hold to my Resolution. Upon that I sent for my Father, but he chid me too, telling me, that I had made him master his Affections, and that now he'd make me master mine, and not disgrace him, by starting from my Purpose. At last, when I saw that I could do no good with them this Way, I told my Father and Mother both, that to please them, I would submit to die, and that would certainly be my Fate, if they did not take me out, and that very quickly too; and upon this, they took me Home.
Eu.	It was very well that you recanted before you had profess'd yourself for good and all: But still, I don't hear what it was changed your Mind so suddenly.
Ca.	I never told any Mortal yet, nor shall.
Eu.	What if I should guess?
Ca.	I'm sure you can't guess it; and if you do, I won't tell you.
Eu.	Well, for all that, I guess what it was. But in the mean Time, you have been at a great Charge.
Ca.	Above 400 Crowns.
Eu.	O these guttling Nuptials! Well, but I am glad though the Money is gone, that you're safe: For the Time to come, hearken to good Counsel when it is given you.
Ca.	So I will. The burnt Child dreads the Fire.