Fifes and Drums/Ode to Tonsilitis

by Wallace Irwin

ODE TO TONSILITIS

Since Senatorial Rules decree once more—
    Even while Prussia threatens us with slaying—
That one wild donkey still may hold the floor
    And block an entire nation with his braying;

Yea, since the chin is mightier than the sword,
    The lung and larynx deadlier than reason
And Robert spurns the Flag beneath the Ford
    In one continuous honk of windy treason;

Ah! then come forth, thou dread but welcome one,
    Nymph of the swollen throat, fair Tonsilitis!
Go gulping to the Sage of Madison,
    Woo him with wreaths of asthma and bronchitis!

Snuggle beside his Senatorial seat,
    Lure him with kisses sneezy, damp and reckless
Until the cold which now afflicts his feet
    Climbs to the place where Mabel wore the necklace.

Then must that rare trombone grow fogged and cease,
    That wealth of words lie fallow in his wallet;
There'll be no more Atrocities of Peace
    Committed then by Robert M. La Follette.

Then will the eagle o'er the rostrum shriek
    While patriots clasp hands in satisfaction,
"The gentleman from Wisconsin cannot speak—
    Rejoice, ye nations! Now we'll get some action!"

Wallace Irwin.