Gems of Chinese Literature/Tung-fang So-Self-recommendation

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Gems of Chinese Literature (1922)
translated by Herbert Allen Giles

Self-recommendation by Tung-fang So

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TUNG-FANG SO.

2nd Century b.c.

[Popularly known as “The Wag.” The following memorial was forwarded by him in response to the Proclamation of Wu Ti (q.v.), calling for heroes to assist in the government Tung-fang So became at once an intimate friend and adviser of the young Emperor, continuing in favour until his death. On one occasion he drank off some elixir of immortality, which belonged to the Emperor, and the latter in a rage ordered him to be put to death. But Tung-fang So smiled and said, “If the elixir was genuine, your Majesty can do me no harm; if it was not, what harm have I done?]

Tung-fang So1523777Gems of Chinese Literature — Self-recommendation1922Herbert Allen Giles

ILOST my parents while still a child, and grew up in my elder brother’s home. At twelve I learnt to write, and within the year I was well advanced in history and composition. At fifteen, I learnt sword exercise; at sixteen, to repeat the Odes and the Book of History―220,000 words in all. At nineteen, I studied the tactics of Sun Wu,^[1] the accoutrements of battle array, and the use of the gong and drum, also 220,000 words in all, making a grand total of 440,000 words. I also carefully laid to heart the sayings of the bold Tzŭ Lu.^[2]

I am now twenty-two years of age. I am nine feet three inches in height.^[3] My eyes are like swinging pearls, my teeth like a row of shells. I am as brave as Mêng Fên, as prompt as Ch‘ing Chi, as pure as Pao Shu, and as devoted as Wei Shêng.^[4] I consider myself fit to be a high officer of State; and with my life in my hand, I await your Majesty’s reply.

↑ A skilful commander who flourished in the sixth century before Christ, and wrote a treatise on the art of war.
↑ One of Confucius’s favourite disciples, specially remarkable for his courage. Whatever he said, he did. Of him, Mr. Watters said in his “Tablets in the Confucian Temple,” p. 20, “It is very unfair of Dr. Legge to call him ‘a kind of Peter,’ meaning of course Simon Peter, a man who lacked faith, courage and fidelity, and moreover cursed and swore.”
↑ We must understand a shorter foot-rule than that now in use.
↑ Hereby hangs a pretty tale. Wei Shêng was a young man who had an assignation with a young lady beneath a bridge. At the time appointed she did not come, but the tide did; and Wei Shêng, rather than quit his post, clung to a pillar and was drowned.

[1] A skilful commander who flourished in the sixth century before Christ, and wrote a treatise on the art of war.

[2] One of Confucius’s favourite disciples, specially remarkable for his courage. Whatever he said, he did. Of him, Mr. Watters said in his “Tablets in the Confucian Temple,” p. 20, “It is very unfair of Dr. Legge to call him ‘a kind of Peter,’ meaning of course Simon Peter, a man who lacked faith, courage and fidelity, and moreover cursed and swore.”

[3] We must understand a shorter foot-rule than that now in use.

[4] Hereby hangs a pretty tale. Wei Shêng was a young man who had an assignation with a young lady beneath a bridge. At the time appointed she did not come, but the tide did; and Wei Shêng, rather than quit his post, clung to a pillar and was drowned.

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