Isle of St Helena/Ralph and Moses

by Anonymous

RALPH AND MOSES.

Ize zing you a whimsical lay,
‘Bout a frolic that hap’d at our town,
How a Jew did our last market day
Take in a poor country clown.
He’d razors in plenty to zell,
Of their goodness he made great commence,
And to make them go off glib and well,
Cried, 'a dozen zirs, for eighteen pence.’
Ri um ti idity a &c.

'Od dang it,' cried Ralph, who stood by,
'This fellow the razors must steal;
But efackius that's nothing to I;
And they're made of the very best steel'
Then instantly lugg'd out his bag,
ln order to purchase the lot;
Then set off amongst his neighbours to brag
What a weundy great bargain he’d got.
Ri um ti idity a &c.

Impatient their mettle to try,
Ralph gallop'd away to his room,
Where, because he'd ne other brush bye,
He lather'd his face with a broom.
Then a razor he took from the rest,
But his beard being bristly and black,
His tool it would not stand the test,
For the edge turn'd as blunt as the back.
Ri um ti idity a &c.

In a rage then he threw it aside,
And grumbling took up another,
But when to hit cheek 'twas applied,
It prov'd just as bad as its brother.
He stampt and he swore like one mad,
And each razor he tried o'er and o’er,
And mutter’d as how he was had,
And dash’d the whole lot on the floor.
Ri um ti idity a &c.

'This Moses,' cried Ralph, 'is a cheat,
But for this he shall zertainly pay,
As with him no doubt I shall meet,
When to market I‘se carry our hay.'
As he said, so it prov’d in the end,
For no sooner the Jew met his sight,
Than, enraged, he cried, 'harkee my friend,
To throttle thee would be but right.'
Ri um ti idity a &c:

The Jew star’d like one in amaze,
And cried out 'vat ish it you're at.'
'How durst you sell razors like these.'
Roar'd out Kalph, 'cheat, come answer me that.'
At this Moses began for to rave,
How it was'n’t using honest folks well,
For the razors were not made to shave,
'Pon his conscience, but only to sell.
Ri um ti idity a &c.

The mob, who the quarrel had heard,
Agreed that the Jew was a cheat,
And seizing old Smouch by the board,
Did him most unmerciful beat.
Then they roll'd him in feathers and tar,
And set him up an horrible howl;
When had you but seen un, Ize swear,
You'd have taken un for a wild fowl.
Ri um ti idity a &c.

No sooner loose than he run,
Udzooks full as swift as the mail,
While the butcher dogs join’d in the van,
And follow’d un close at his tail.
Now my tale I'se conclude with a wish,
That those who to cheat the poor try, zirs,
May meet with reception like this,
Especially Monopolizers.
Ri um ti idity a &c.

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