Letters of a Javanese princess/Chapter 16

by Raden Adjeng Kartini

XVI^[1]

31st January 1901.

I TURN my face pensively to the far away, staring into the blue light, as though I expected to find there an answer to the tumultuous questions of my soul. My eyes follow the clouds as they journey through the vast heavens till they disappear behind the waving green leaves of the cocoanut trees. I see the glistening leaves painted with the gold of the sun, and suddenly the thought comes, "Ask them why does the sun shine? What sends his rays? my sun, my golden sun! I shall strive to live so that I may be worthy to be shone upon, and tended and warmed by your light."

Do not be distressed dear, if things do not go as I would have them. My life shall not have been in vain: there is always something to be done. I will have it so! Those who seek God do not live in vain—and whosoever seeketh after God will find happiness, truth and peace of soul—and these are to be found at Modjowarno^[2] as well. Who knows? perhaps there sooner than somewhere else. Never be discouraged; never be dismayed! We are only thankful that in any event a beginning has been made, that the foundations of our freedom and independence are being built.

1. To Mevrouw Abendanon.
2. In the Residency of Soerabaja. The most important as well as the oldest mission station in Java. It includes schools and hospitals. A medical missionary at Modjowamo had ofifered to train Kartini as a mid-wife, if her plan of going to Holland should fail.