Murphy Delaney/The exciseman outwitted

THE EXCISEMAN OUTWITTED.

To a village that skirted the sea,
An Exciseman one midsummer came;
But prudence between you and me,
Forbids me to mention his name.
Soon Michael he chanc’d to espy,
A cask on his napper he bore
With six gallons of brandy or nigh;
And where is the head can bear more?

Say’s the Exciseman, let’s see your permit.
Say’s Mike, T’ant convenient to show it.
’Tother cried, Sir, I’m not to be bit,
For youve smuggl’d the stuff, and you know it;
Your hogs to a fine market you’ve brought,
For seeing you’ve paid no excise,
As customs have settl’d you ought,
I seizes your tub as my prize.

Now dont be so hard, said poor Mike:
Th‘ Exciseman was deaf to complaint.
Why then, take it, said Mike, if you like,
For I’ve borne it till ready to faint.
Four-miles in hot sun-shine they trudg’d;
Till on them they‘d scarce a dry rag;
Th‘ Exciseman his labour ne‘er grudg’d,

But cheerfully carried the cag.

To the custom-house in the next town,
’Twas yet some three furlongs or more,
When says Michael, Pray set your load down,
For this here sir, is my cottage door.
T’other answer'd, I thank you, friend, no;
My burden, just yet, I shan’t quit,
Then, says Michael, before you do go;
I’ll get you to read my permit.

Your permit! Why not show it before?
Because it came into my nob,
By your watching for me on the shore,
That your worship was wanting a job:
Now, I'd need of a porter, d’ye see,
For that load made my bones fit to crack;
And so, sir, I thank you for me,
And wish you a pleasant walk back.

FINIS.