Of the Imitation of Christ/Book III/Chapter LII
CHAPTER LII.
THAT A MAN OUGHT NOT TO ACCOUNT HIMSELF AS WORTHY OF COMFORT, BUT RATHER AS DESERVING OF CHASTISEMENT.
LORD, I am not worthy of Thy consolation, nor of any spiritual visitation; and therefore Thou dealest justly with me, when Thou leavest me poor and desolate.
For though I could shed a sea of tears, still I should not be worthy of Thy consolation.
I am not then worthy of any thing but to be scourged and punished, because grievously and often I have offended Thee, and have in many things greatly sinned.
Wherefore, all things duly considered, I am not worthy even of the least comfort.
But Thou, gracious and merciful God, Who willest not that Thy works should perish, to shew the riches of Thy goodness upon the vessels of mercy, vouchsafest even beyond all his desert to comfort Thy servant above the manner of men.
For Thy consolations are not like to the discourses of men.
2. What have I done, Lord, that Thou shouldst bestow any heavenly comfort upon me?
I remember not that I have done any good, but that I have been always prone to sin, and slow to amendment.
This is true, and I cannot deny it. If I should say otherwise, Thou wouldst stand against me, and there would be none to defend me.
What have I deserved for my sins, but hell and everlasting fire?
I confess in very truth that I am worthy of all scorn and contempt, nor is it fit that I should be remembered amongst Thy devout servants.
And although I be unwilling to hear this, yet notwithstanding, for the truth's sake, I will lay open my sins against myself, that so the more readily I may be counted worthy to obtain Thy mercy.
3. What shall I say, in that I am guilty and full of all confusion?
My mouth can utter nothing but this word only, I have sinned, Lord! I have sinned; have mercy on me, pardon me.
Spare me a little, that I may bewail my griefs, before I go into the land of darkness, a land covered with the shadow of death.
What dost Thou so much require of a guilty and miserable sinner, as that he be contrite, and that he humble himself for his offences?
Of true contrition and humbling of the heart ariseth hope of forgiveness; the troubled conscience is reconciled; that which was lost, is recovered; man is preserved from the wrath to come; and God and the penitent soul meet together with a holy kiss.
4. Humble contrition for sins is an acceptable sacrifice unto Thee, O Lord, savouring much sweeter in Thy sight than the perfume of frankincense.
This is also the pleasant ointment, which Thou wouldst to be poured upon Thy sacred feet; for a contrite and humbled heart Thou never hast despised.
Here is the place of refuge from the angry face of the enemy; here is amended and washed away whatever defilement and pollution hath been any where contracted.