Tzu-chun's face alarmed me—in it I saw something I had never seen there before. It was, of course, because of Ah Sui, but I did not think that it could affect her to this extent. I did not tell her I had to push him down the ditch.
In the evening there appeared a chilliness in her countenance, where before it had been only sad and mournful.
"Why are you like this today, Tzu-chun?" I could not help asking.
"What?" she said without looking at me.
"Your face looks . . . "
"Nothing. Nothing at all."
But I could tell by her face and from the way she spoke that she had come to look upon me as a cruel man. The truth was that it would have been much easier for me if I had been alone. Although I was too proud to associate, in my present circumstances, with friends of the family, and had even kept away from my former friends since we moved, there were many roads open to me if I were free and could go where I pleased. The reason I accepted the oppressive burden of our present life was because of her, and that, too, was the reason why I got rid of Ah Sui. How could she be so childish as not to see this?
I took the first opportunity to explain to her this line of thought. She nodded as if she understood, but from the way she acted I could tell that she either did not understand or refused to believe what I said.
The chilliness of the weather and the chilliness of Tzu-chun made it difficult for me to stay at home. But where was I to go? Though there is no human chilliness on the streets and in the parks, the wind was too cold and biting for comfort. Finally I found my paradise in the public library.
No admission ticket was required and there were two iron
