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ON THE WESTERN FRONT
 

“You’ll never make anything of your life, Bäumer,” croaks Müller.

“When was the Battle of Zana?” Kropp wants to know.

“You lack the studious mind, Kropp, sit down, three minus———” I wink.

“What offices did Lycurgus consider the most im­portant for the state?” asks Müller, pretending to take off his pince-nez.

“Does it go: ‘We Germans fear God and none else in the whole world,’ or ‘We, the Germans, fear God and———’ ” I submit.

“How many inhabitants has Melbourne?” asks Müller.

“How do you expect to succeed in life if you don’t know that?” I ask Albert hotly.

Which he caps with: “What is meant by Co­hesion?”

We remember mighty little of all that rubbish. Anyway, it has never been the slightest use to us. At school nobody ever taught us how to light a cigarette in a storm of rain, nor how a fire could be made with wet wood—nor that it is best to stick a bayonet in the belly because there it doesn’t get jammed, as it does in the ribs.

Müller says thoughtfully: “What’s the use. We’ll have to go back and sit on the forms again.”

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