THE
ANECDOTE BOOK.
SECRETS.
'My dear Murphy,' said an Irishman to his friend, 'why did you betray the secret that I told you?' Is it betraying you call it? Sure, when I found I wasn't able to keep it myself, didn't I do well to tell it to somebody that could?'
DUE PROPORTIONS.
'Jock,' said a farmer's wife to the herd callant—'Jock, come in to your parritch—the flies are drowning themselves in the milk. 'Nae fears,' replied Jock, moving very deliberately towards the scene of action—'Nae fears: they'll wade through't.' 'Od, you little rascal, do you say you dinna get eneugh o'milk?' 'Ou ay, plenty for the parritch.'
GIPSY WIT.
Two young ladies were accosted by a gipsy woman, who told them that, for a shilling each, she would show them their husband's faces in a pail of water; which being brought they exclaimed, Why, we only see our own faces! 'Well,' said the old woman, 'those will be your husband's faces when you are married.'
SECURITY AGAINST DROWNING.
A lady at sea, full of apprehension in a gale of wind, cried out among petty exclamations, 'We shall go to the bottom—mercy on us, how my head swims.' 'Zounds, madam, never fear,' said one of the sailors, 'you can never go to the bottom while your head swims!'
