Page:Box and Cox.djvu/6

scious of the absurdity of my personal appearance already. [Puts on his coat.] Now for my hat. [Puts on his hat, which comes over his eyes.] That's the effect of having one's hair cut. This hat fitted me quite tight before. Luckily I've got two or three more, [Goes in at l., and returns, with three hats of different shapes, and puts them on, one after the other—all of which are too big for him.] This is pleasant! Never mind. This one appears to me to wabble about rather less than the others—[Puts on hat,]—and now I'm off! By the bye, Mrs. Bouncer, I wish to call your attention to a fact that has been evident to me for some time past—and that is, that my coals go remarkably fast—

Mrs. B.

Lor, Mr. Cox!

Cox.	It is not only the case with the coals, Mrs. Bouncer, but I've lately observed a gradual and steady increase of evaporation among my candles, wood, sugar, and lucifer matches.

Mrs. B.

Lor, Mr. Cox! you surely don't suspect me?

Cox.	I don't say I do, Mrs. B.; only I wish you distinctly to understand, that I don't believe it's the cat.

Mrs. B.

Is there anything else you've got to grumble about, sir?

Cox.	Grumble! Mrs. Bouncer, do you possess such a thing as a dictionary?

Mrs. B.

No, sir.

Cox.	Then I'll lend you one—and if you turn to the letter G, you'll find "Grumble, verb neuter—to complain without a cause." Now that's not my case, Mrs. B., and now that we are upon the subject, I wish to know how it is that I frequently find my apartment full of smoke?

Mrs. B.

Why—I suppose the chimney—

Cox.	The chimney doesn't smoke tobacco. I'm speaking of tobacco smoke, Mrs. B. I hope, Mrs. Bouncer, you're not guilty of cheroots or Cubas?

Mrs. B.

Not I, indeed, Mr. Cox,

Cox.	Nor partial to a pipe?

Mrs. B.

No, sir.

Cox.	Then, how is it that—

Mrs. B.

Why—I suppose—yes—that must be it—

Cox.	At present I am entirely of your opinion—because I haven't the most distant particle of an idea what you mean.