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| Cox | Dear me! I think I begin to have some slight perception of your meaning. Ingenious creature! you disappeared—the suit of clothes was found— |
| Box. | Exactly—and in one of the pockets of the coat, or the waistcoat, or the pantaloons—I forget which—there was also found a piece of paper, with these affecting farewell words:—"This is thy work, oh, Penelope Ann!" |
| Cox. | Penelope Ann! (starts up, takes Cox by the arm and leads him slowly to front of stage) Penelope Ann! |
| Box. | Penelope Ann! |
| Cox. | Originally widow of William Wiggins? |
| Box. | Widow of William Wiggins! |
| Cox. | Proprietor of bathing machines? |
| Box. | Proprietor of bathing machines! |
| Cox. | At Margate? |
| Box. | And Ramsgate. |
| Cox | It must be she! And you, sir—you are Box—the lamented, long lost Box! |
| Box. | I am! |
| Cox | And I was about to marry the interesting creature you so cruelly deceived. |
| Box | Ah ! then you are Cox ! |
| Cox | I am! |
| Box | I heard of it. I congratulate you—I give you joy! and now, I think I'll go and take a stroll. [going. |
| Cox. | No you don't. (stopping him) I'll not lose sight of you till I've restored you to the arms of your intended. |
| Box | My intended? You mean your intended. |
| Cox. | No, sir—yours! |
| Box | How can she be my intended, now that I am drowned? |
| Cox. | You're no such thing, sir! I prefer presenting you to Penelope Ann. Permit me, then, to follow the generous impulse of my nature—I give her up to you. |
| Box | Benevolent being! I wouldn't rob you for the world (going). Good morning, sir! |
| Cox | (seizing him) Stop! |
| Box. | Unhand me. hatter! or I shall cast off the lamb and assume the lion! |
| Cox. | Pooh! [snapping his fingers in Box's face. |
| Box. | An insult! to my very face—under my very nose! (rubbing it) You know the consequences,sir,—instant satisfaction, sir! |
| Cox. | With all my heart, sir! (they go to fireplace r. and begin ringing bell violently, and pull down bell pulls.) |
| Both. | Bouncer! Bouncer! |
| Boun. runs in d.l.c. all three sing RATAPLAN, and stop in the middle. |
| Boun. | What is it gentlemen? |
| Box. | Pistols for two! |
| Cox | Yes, sir. |
| Box. | Stop! You don't mean to say, thoughtless and misguided militiaman, that you keep loaded fire-arms in the house. |
| Boun. | Oh, no—they're not loaded. |
| Box. | Then produce the murderous weapons instantly. [exit Bouncer, l. c |
| Box. | I say, sir! |
| Cox. | Well, sir. |
| Box. | What's your opinion of duelling, sir? |
| Cox. | I think it's a barbarous practice, sir. |
| Box. | So do I, sir. To be sure, I don't so much object to it when the pistols are not loaded. |
| Cox. | No: I daresay that does make some difference. |
| Box. | And yet, sir—on the other hand—doesn't it strike you as rather a waste oftime, for two people to keep firing pistols at one another with nothing in ‘em. |
| Cox. | No, sir—no more than any other harmless recreation. |
| Box. | Hark ye! Why do you object to marry Penelope Ann? |
| Cox. | Because, as I've already observed, I can't abide her. You'll be happy with her. |
| Box. | Happy? me? with the consciousness that I have deprived you of such a treasure? No, no, Cox! |
| Cox. | Don't think of me, Box—I shall be sufficiently rewarded by the knowledge of my Box's happiness. |
| Box. | Don't be absurd. sir. |
| Cox. | Then don't you be ridiculous, sir. |
| Box. | I won't have her! |
| Cox. | No more will I! |
| Box. | I have it! Suppose we draw lots for the lady—eh, Mr. Cox? |
| Cox. | That's fair enough, Mr. Box. |
| Box. | Or, what say you to dice? |
| Cox. | With all my heart! Dice by all means. [eagerly. |
| Box. | (aside.) That's lucky! Bouncer's nephew left a pair here yesterday. He sometimes persuades me to have a throw for a trifle, and so he always throws sixes, I suspect their are good ones. (goes to cupboard at r. and brings out dice box.) |
| Cox. | (aside.) I've no objection at all to dice. I lost one pound seventeen and sixpence, at last Barnet Races to a very gentlemanly-looking man, who had a most peculiar knack of throwing sixes—I suspected they were loaded, so I gave him another half-crown and he gave me the dice. (takes dice out of his pocket—use lucifer box as substitute for dice-box, which is on the table.) |
| Box. | Now then, sir? |
| Cox. | I'm ready, sir! (they seat themselves at opposite sides of the table.) Will you lead off, sir? |
| Box. | As you please, sir. The lowest throw, of course, wins Penelope Ann? |
| Cox. | Of course, sir! |
| Box. | Very well, sir! |
| Cox. | Very well, sir! |
| Box. | (rattling dice and throwing.) |
Cox and Box—43
