Curiosities of Olden Times
Porcellus is caught by the servants, and brought out to execution on the xvi. before the Lucernine Kalends, just when young colewortsprouts are in plenty, Clybaratus and Piperatus being Consuls.
Now when he saw that he was about to die, he begged hard of the cook an hour's grace, just to write his will. He called together his relations, that he might leave to them some of his victuals; and he said:
I will and bequeath to my papa, Verrinus Lardinus, 30 bush. of acorns.
I will and bequeath to my mamma, Veturina Scrofa, 40 bush. of Laconian corn.
I will and bequeath to my sister, Quirona, at whose nuptials I may not be present, 30 bush. of barley.
Of my mortal remains, I will and bequeath my bristles to the cobblers, my teeth to squabblers, my ears to the deaf, my tongue to lawyers and chatterboxes, my entrails to tripe-men, my hams to gluttons, my stomach to little boys, my tail to little girls, my muscles to effeminate parties, my heels to runners and hunters, my claws to thieves; and, to a certain cook, whom I won't mention by name, I bequeath the cord and stick which I brought with me from my oak-grove to the sty, in hopes that he may take the cord and hang himself with it.
I will that a monument be erected to me, inscribed with this, in golden letters:
M. Grunnius Corocotta Porcellus, who lived 999 years,—six months more, and he would have been 1000 years old.
Friends dear to me whilst I lived, I pray you to have a kindness towards my body, and embalm it well with good condiments, such as almonds, pepper, and honey, that my name may be named through ages to come.
O my masters and my comrades, who have assisted44
