Maid: But, sir!
Friend: I've no more doubts. You’re Helen, Baroness Nordman.
Maid (withdrawing): Lord preserve us! What are you talking about, sir? I’m a serf, a chambermaid, my name’s Grusha, I wash the floor.
Friend: A serf? (Pause.) But serfdom was abolished in 1861!!!
Maid: Lord preserve us! Why it's only 1808 now!
Friend: What?!! (Enter Master. Exit Maid.)
Master (in old-jashioned uniform): Good-day—whatever’s the matter?
Friend: What does all this mean? I entreat you, in the name of God, tell me what it all means? Oh! Oh! my heart! Water! Water!
Fool (entering with Companion): Water! Water! Fire!
Master: Are you ill? What has happened?
Friend: Spray me with water! Pinch me as hard as you can, because I’m fast asleep, I’m frightened and I can’t wake up. Wake me up! This is hellish! Or have I got hallucinations?!! (More quietly.) I’ve been travelling two days in the train and almost a whole day in the carriage. If you’re trying to hoax me, it’s not at all nice of
