Cantor
What's the greatest problem now throughout the land?What's the only problem needs a helping hand?It isn't prohibition, or farm relief I findIt's something more important now on everybody's mindJust walk into any home todayIt's ten to one you'll hear each husband say:
My wife is on a diet, and since she's on a dietHome isn't home anymoreNo gravy and potatoes, just lettuce and tomatoesWhere are the pies I adore?Oh, oh, oh, oh, what a disgraceI'm ashamed to look a grapefruit straight in the faceMy wife is on a diet, and since she's on a dietI'm losing a pound every dayMonday, grapefruit, breakfast and for dinnerAnd at night some orange juiceTuesday, grapefruit, boys I'm growing thinnerAll my clothes are getting looseWednesday, Thursday, then I feel satisfiedCause then I change to coffee, with grapefruit on the sideFrom Friday to Sunday is more than I can standBefore the eighteenth day I'll have a lily in my hand
My wife is on a diet, she tries to keep it quietShe, but she looks like the Duce!What used to be offenderIs growing thin and slenderEven her bumper is looseRound her chassis, she's not the sameWhy you can even see the bolts that hold up her frame!
My wife is on a diet, and since she's on a dietI never go home anymore.