I can't cut off my nose. I get my whole life messed up with people falling in love with me. And then Randall says I run after men.
RANDALL. I—
LADY UTTERWORD. Yes you do: you said it just now. Why can't you think of something else than women? Napoleon was quite right when he said that women are the occupation of the idle man. Well, if ever there was an idle man on earth, his name is Randall Utterword.
RANDALL. Ariad—
LADY UTTERWORD [overwhelming him with a torrent of words]. Oh yes you are: it's no use denying it. What have you ever done? What good are you? You are as much trouble in the house as a child of three. You couldn't live without your valet.
RANDALL. This is—
LADY UTTERWORD. Laziness! You are laziness incarnate. You are selfishness itself. You are the most uninteresting man on earth. You can't even gossip about anything but yourself and your grievances and your ailments and the people who have offended you. [Turning to Hector]. Do you know what they call him, Hector?
- Speaking together:
- HECTOR. Please don't tell me. RANDALL. I'll not stand it—
LADY UTTERWORD. Randall the Rotter: that is his name in good society.
RANDALL [shouting]. I'll not bear it, I tell you. Will you listen to me, you infernal—[he chokes].
LADY UTTERWORD. Well: go on. What were you going to call me? An infernal what? Which unpleasant animal is it to be this time?
RANDALL [foaming]. There is no animal in the world so hateful as a woman can be. You are a maddening devil. Hushabye, you will not believ
