papers: surely he will learn from the critics how it really went off. Well, from the critics he learns the following:—
(1) That his play has a plot; but every critic gives a different one;
(2) That it (a) had a splendid reception; (b) a lukewarm reception; (c) was hissed by part of the audience; (d) deserved the hearty reception it received;
(3) That the producer: (a) had absolutely nothing to do at all; (b) did what he could; (c) was not half attentive enough; (d) paid great attention to the production;
(4) That (a) the tempo of the play was brisk; (b) the play dragged; (c) every one played with enthusiasm; (d) the players did not know their parts; (e) the players contributed to the success of the play;
(5) That Clara (a) was wonderful; (b) was obviously unwell; (c) did not interpret the part correctly; (d) filled the rôle with intense life; (e) had fair hair; (f) had black hair (while he even reads that Miss Jarolim was splendid in the rôle of Clara which
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