286
HUDIBRAS.
[PART III.
And shown your Presbyterian wits
Jump punctual[1] with the Jesuits'; 500
A most compendious way, and civil,
At once to cheat the world, the devil,
With heaven and hell, yourselves, and those
On whom you vainly think t' impose.
Why then, quoth: he, may hell surprise— 505
That trick, said she, will not pass twice:
I've learn'd how far I'm to believe
Your pinning oaths upon your sleeve;
But there's a better way of clearing
What you would prove, than downright swearing: 510
For if you have perform'd the feat,
The blows are visible as yet,
Enough to serve for satisfaction
Of nicest scruples in the action;
And if you can produce those knobs, 515
Altho' they're but the witch's drubs,
I'll pass them all upon account,
As if your nat'ral self had done 't;
Provided that they pass th' opinion
Of able juries of old women, 520
Who, us'd to judge all matter of facts
For bellies,[2] may do so for backs.
Madam, quoth he, your love's a million,
To do is less than to be willing,
As I am, were it in my power, 525
T' obey what you command, and more;
But for performing what you bid,
I thank you as much as if I did.
You know I ought to have a care
To keep my wounds from taking air; 530
For wounds in those that are all heart,
Are dangerous in any part.
I find, quoth she, my goods and chattels
Are like to prove but mere drawn battles;
Jump punctual[1] with the Jesuits'; 500
A most compendious way, and civil,
At once to cheat the world, the devil,
With heaven and hell, yourselves, and those
On whom you vainly think t' impose.
Why then, quoth: he, may hell surprise— 505
That trick, said she, will not pass twice:
I've learn'd how far I'm to believe
Your pinning oaths upon your sleeve;
But there's a better way of clearing
What you would prove, than downright swearing: 510
For if you have perform'd the feat,
The blows are visible as yet,
Enough to serve for satisfaction
Of nicest scruples in the action;
And if you can produce those knobs, 515
Altho' they're but the witch's drubs,
I'll pass them all upon account,
As if your nat'ral self had done 't;
Provided that they pass th' opinion
Of able juries of old women, 520
Who, us'd to judge all matter of facts
For bellies,[2] may do so for backs.
Madam, quoth he, your love's a million,
To do is less than to be willing,
As I am, were it in my power, 525
T' obey what you command, and more;
But for performing what you bid,
I thank you as much as if I did.
You know I ought to have a care
To keep my wounds from taking air; 530
For wounds in those that are all heart,
Are dangerous in any part.
I find, quoth she, my goods and chattels
Are like to prove but mere drawn battles;
- ↑ "Jump punctual" means to agree exactly. "You will find" (says Petyt, in his Visions of the Reformation) "that though they have two faces that look different ways, yet they have both the same lineaments, the same principles, and the same practices."
- ↑ When a woman pretends to be pregnant, in order to gain a respite from her sentence, the fact must be ascertained by a jury of matrons.
