first impulse was to show her displeasure; being falsely blamed for making a noise, she was "burning to defend herself," and had to run away to keep from doing so; her whole being was stirred up by the fearful aversion she felt for a certain Sister and her only escape often lay in flight; when she found her books, brushes, etc., in disorder, she had "to hold herself with both hands to keep from yielding to impatience" and sharply reproving the offender; if she sang of the joys of heaven, she sang only "of what she wanted to believe, since the real heaven seemed utterly closed against her."
St. Therese, then, was very sensitive to pain; her smile cost her much, and it was only by degrees and heroic efforts that she succeeded. In fact, in the beginning of her religious life she "had to console herself with the thought that all would be known on the day of judgment." Later she admitted: "At first my looks betrayed my effort; but little by little self-sacrifice seemed to come more easily without hesitation…. When I suffered much, … instead of a melancholy look I now answered by a smile. At first I did not always succeed, but now it is a habit which I am happy to have acquired." Why did she succeed? "I have always forced myself to love suffering and to give it a glad welcome." Here again it is true: "He that is faithful in little things, is faithful in that which is greater," for "in this path it is only the first step that is hard; yet God never refuses the first grace—courage for self-conquest…. In the onset we must act with courage. By this means the heart gains strength, and victory follows victory." And what gave her this strength? "It is such a joy to think that for each little pain cheerfully borne we shall love the good God more for all eternity." It is a joy for one who truly loves; is it for me…?
(2) Genuine Joy.—St. Therese knew that "God loveth a cheerful giver," and to those entrusted to her care she often repeated: "Jesus loves the joyous heart, He loves the ever-smiling soul." She herself was the first to practice what she demanded of others, and was ever joyous and smiling in the midst of her incredibly intense sufferings. "To suffer and to love is the purest of
