Page:Middlemarch (Second Edition).djvu/198

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186
MIDDLEMARCH.

will have to pay away her ninety-two pounds that she has saved, and she says your savings must go too. You see what a—"

“Oh, poor mother, poor father!” said Mary, her eyes filling with tears, and a little sob rising which she tried to repress. She looked straight before her and took no notice of Fred, all the consequences at home becoming present to her. He too remained silent for some moments, feeling more miserable than ever.

“I wouldn’t have hurt you so for the world, Mary,” he said at last. “You can never forgive me.”

“What does it matter whether I forgive you?” said Mary, passionately. “Would that make it any better for my mother to lose the money she has been earning by lessons for four years, that she might send Alfred to Mr Hanmer’s? Should you think all that pleasant enough if I forgave you?”

“Say what you like, Mary. I deserve it all.”

“I don’t want to say anything,” said Mary, more quietly; “my anger is of no use.” She dried her eyes, threw aside her book, rose and fetched her sewing.

Fred followed her with his eyes, hoping that they would meet hers, and in that way find access for his imploring penitence. But no! Mary could easily avoid looking upward.

“I do care about your mother’s money going,” he said, when she was seated again and sewing quickly. “I wanted to ask you, Mary—don’t you think that Mr Featherstone—if you were to tell him—tell him, I mean, about apprenticing Alfred—would advance the money?”

“My family is not fond of begging, Fred. We would rather work for our money. Besides, you say that Mr Featherstone has lately given you a hundred pounds. He rarely makes presents; he has never made presents to us. I am sure my father will not ask him for anything; and even if I chose to beg of him, it would be of no use.”

“I am so miserable, Mary—if you knew how miserable I am, you would be sorry for me.”

“There are other things to be more sorry for than that. But selfish people always think their own discomfort of more importance than anything else in the world: I see enough of that every day.”

“It is hardly fair to call me selfish. If you knew what things other young men do, you would think me a good way off the worst.”

“I know that people who spend a great deal of money on themselves without knowing how they shall pay, must be selfish. They are always thinking of what they can get for themselves, and not of what other people may lose.”

“Any man may be unfortunate, Mary, and find himself unable to pay when he meant it. There is not a better man in the world than your father, and yet he got into trouble.”

“How dare you make any comparison between my father and you, Fred?” said Mary, in a deep tone of indignation. “He never got into trouble by thinking of his own idle pleasures, but because he