Q. Are days “at home” still observed in the best society?
A. The custom has practically disappeared in New York and many other cities. In Washington, official circles have retained it. Elsewhere it has become a question of local custom.
Q. Is it polite to have a servant at the door say “not at home,” when one is actually at home but does not wish to see any callers?
A. This is correct. The term only means that one is not receiving. It is much better form to have this answer formally given at the door to all comers, than to have cards sent in and then send back word asking to be excused.
Q. Is it correct to leave cards without asking to be received, or to have one’s chauffeur leave cards?
A. It is an empty courtesy at best. Very busy women, especially those in official life, may well be excused for it. So many are now doing it that it probably has the sanction of custom.
Q. What calls must necessarily be actual visits rather than leaving of cards?
A. A visit to the sick should be a real visit if the invalid is able to see you. A card is hardly a cheering, thoughtful remembrance. Visits of condolence for a death in the family should be personal. Calls following the announcement of an engagement ought to be personal. The customs of calling are becoming so confused in the larger cities that the best rule is either to follow accepted local custom, or consider whether the occasion is one for which leaving a card is adequate or inadequate.
Q. Is it proper to call on newcomers in the neighborhood?
A. It is proper, and is done except in large cities. If the acquaintance proves not desirable, no second call need be made.
Q. When should one call on a bride?
A. As soon as convenient after her return from the honeymoon. The wedding announcements have probably stated when and where she will be at home.
Q. How long should a formal call last?
A. Fifteen or twenty minutes.
ENGAGEMENTS
Q. Should a young lady be congratulated upon her approaching marriage?
A. It is not considered to be in good form to congratulate a prospective bride. She is to receive one’s good wishes. The prospective bridegroom is congratulated. The bride-elect’s mother receives the kind wishes of her friends. The mother of the groom-elect receives kind wishes and congratulations. In speaking with a young woman who has recently been married, one offers her his wishes for great happiness. Her husband is congratulated.
Q. When a man is engaged to a girl, does each call the other “fiance”?
A. There are two forms of the word. Fiance is the masculine and fiancee the feminine form. They are both pronounced “fee-ahn-say.”
Q. When should an announcement of an engagement be made?
A. It should be made upon the day that the bride-elect chooses to wear her engagement ring for the first time publicly.
Q. Should a young man buy an engagement ring before proposing to a girl, so that he could present it at once?
A. It is in doubtful taste for a man to prepare for acceptance beforehand. A ring is provided before the announcement of the engagement.
