CURING A LOVER .
BY B. B. тном .
CHAPTER I.
“ My dear Fanny, I am in a terrible state of agitation -I am ennuied-I am out of spirits-I am frightfully excited ; for you must know that I am threatened - yes, threatened with the exhibition of a most horrible scene here this very day." The speaker was a pretty actress who had turned the heads of all the beaux frequenting Covent Garden Theatre. She was consequently not without a spice of vanity-what pretty woman is ? although she had an under-current of good sense which prevented her head from being altogether turned by the flattery she daily received. The person whom she addressed was her confidante.
" What can be the matter, my dear Maria ? Has some one of your numerous admirers fallen out with you?"
"No-no ; the fops that cluster around me have neither head nor heart."
"What then- have you had a visit from your old aunt, Dorothea ?"
" Nor that either ; I have got rid of her." "Then what is it harasses you so much ?" " This- and oh ! my dear Fanny, do you not pity me? A young fellow (for such I suppose him to be) has written me a letter, stating that he intends to come here at four o'clock, and to blow his brains out under my very windows !!!" " Psha ! he's a fool." " Yes ; but a fool that is dying in love. A run-a-way from St. Luke's, that has been reading Werther. Here is the fiftieth letter, at least, that I have had from himfrom the poor deserted young man, who calls himself "Cornelius." At first he said he wished to live for my sake. That was bad enough ! but now he threatens to die beneath my lovely eyes'—that is awful ! Now, what I want to know is, has a lady a right to let an enamored swain die, when the individual himself has no desire to live !" "What you ought to do, in my opinion, is this admit him to your presence. If he be clever he will amuse us, and you may condescend to request of him to live. But if he be a fool- why then let him kill himself; perhaps it is the very best thing he can do for his family, and the most useful thing he may ever attempt for the benefit of society."
accountable for the bill, and never think of it ; the day of payment comes, and it is protested, and then- it is out of your mind for ever." " But would there not be something like a want of truth in all this ?" "Not at all- it would be mere coquetry. Such an admirer is like the last new novel- you may give an hour or so to it, if it is amusing, and if dull, why fling it in the corner." "Yes- but if the book should become so agreeable, that I may wish to read it to the third volume ?" 66 Why, then my dear-Providence may have great blessings in store for you ; and as to your poor Henry he-will be to be pitied." The chat of these two friends was interrupted by Miss Maria's chambermaid, who thus addressed her mistress"Oh ! la ! Miss, there is such a very odd man below stairs. He is a great, big, fat person, six feet high, and with such very, very red hair-and he must be ninety years old I'm certain ; and he is so vulgar, and speaks with such an accent-and he insists upon seeing you. I'm sure he must be an Irishman, or a creditor ; he is so very impudent-I shut the door in his face." " Then go and open it again, Sally. If he is an Irishman, he will amuse us with his brogue and his speechifications, being a composition of something that is not elevated enough for poetry, nor sufficiently intelligible to be prose. We shall laugh at him, and he in return will sing our praises in the wilds of Connaught or the banks of the Liffey ; and if, as I believe he is, a creditor, I will begin by- not paying him a single farthing. Then I shall get rid of him by giving him an order for a private box, and there I can look at him applauding me, because I am determined to-die his debtor. Sally, tell him to walk up : and Fanny, do you take a seat there, and if it be necessary come to my rescue." The two pretty young women set themselves down on the sofa together, while the servant hurried off to introduce the singular and mysterious visitor. CHAPTER II.
THE individual who now entered the room was a man apparently about sixty years of age. He was in height at least six feet three inches, and was as fat as Lablache. He had an immense nose, and an enormous face that was covered with a beard and whiskers that were half red and half white. His large grey eyes opened with astonishment upon the exquisite beauties that he saw before him. He became in an instant confused and “Yes—but if I tell him to live, he may , like a thousand utterly embarrassed. He had to make a bow ; but he others, plague me with the unmeaning, frivolous decla · bowed at the same time with head, hand, and foot- and, ration of his affection, when you know I care for none having performed this extraordinary feat, he continued to but Henry- that I intend to marry." gaze at the ladies, who threw at him the most enchant"Then, if he should become such a bore, you must ing looks, although they spoke not. At length silence only treat him as you do a promise to pay'-you are was broken by the stranger. VOL. I.-20
