1 86 INTRODUCTION
nowhere. On one day, some one like him seemed to pass the house. I went out and overtook him, but the resem- blance ceased. In a little boy whittling a fence I saw the broad back head and thick black hair and warm com- plexion of Stanley at twelve years old, but the front face dispelled the illusion, and the boy went away, thinking me a police officer. While he lived, he was enough for me and I never looked for his likeness, and, now that he is dead, I search the world for it in vain.
So, also, does he come in morning dreams. At one time, he is offered me, if I will go toward the poles for him, but, ere I commence the anxious journey, I discover it to be illusion. At another time, 'tis offered me to receive in my arm the shot that killed him, and I give my arm to gain my friend, and I think, " He will henceforth be an arm to me," and then this, also, passes away. Again, he comes and sends me word 'twas a false report, and that another had been mistaken for him — I learn no more, and Death straightway comes to claim him.
So, also, at times, does he come back embodied in ancient fable, and it would seem something only to change him into a laurel, one of those with which he would have delighted to be crowned. How pleasant seems even the vague idea of seeing him live to old age, the delight of all about him, to be changed at last into a tree ! But, alas, no tree shall ever stand for us in the place of our Phile- mon, who died a sapling and withered in the greenness of Spring. Do I seem to you as one in love with a woman } It is rarely, my friend, that any woman is loved so well.
You need not fear I shall be cracked. Our love was as yet incomplete ; fi-ve years more would have perfected it, and this thought seems hardest of all. In the last two years most of my plans for giving him enjoyment have
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