Cyclist. "I have a despatch for the officer in command. Can I see him?"
Sentry (a raw one). "Yus. Shall I fetch un out to 'ee?"
ACCOUNT RENDERED.
Mr. Punch, Sir—Can you inform me if the Government may be relied upon to pay compensation to all who suffer loss or damage as a result of the War? If so, will you be good enough to advise me how to proceed to get payment for the following items of my own personal loss?
| Damage to Dresden ornament due to maid's sudden alarmn while dusting it, on hearing the newspaper boy call (as she thought) "Jellicoe sunk" | £2 | 0 | 0 |
| 2. Loss of profits on a potential deal, due to my arriving late in the City on the morning of January 5th as a consequence of an argument on London Bridge with that ass Maralang on matters relating to the War. | 60 | 0 | 0 |
| 3. Expenses incurred by (a) spraining the great toe of my right foot, (b) spoiling one pair of trousers, and (c) grazing my forehead, in the course of field operations with my drilling corps, to which I belong only because of the War. | 4 | 14 | 6 |
| 4. Loss of office-boy's services for one week as a result of damage he received from a taxi-cab while waiting at Charing Cross for Zeppelins to appear | 0 | 10 | 0 |
| 5. Breakage of glass in my greenhouse on Boxing Day, caused by my son's defective aim with the 5 mm. air-gun presented to him on Christmas Day by me, a gift inspired directly by the War. | 3 | 2 | 0 |
| 6. Undoubted loss of expected and indeed practically promised legacy from my Aunt Margaret, caused by an ill-considered criticism I passed upon a belt she had knitted for a soldier at the Front; legacy estimated at not less than £2000. I am, however, prepared to accept cash down | 500 | 0 | 0 |
| £570 | 6 | 6 |
Yours obediently, Computator
"A marriage has been arranged between Capt. Stokes, 4th (Queen's Own) Hussars, of St. Botolph's, and Mrs. Stokes and Miss Evelyn Wardell and Mrs. John Vanghan of Brynwern, Newbridge-on-Wye."—Welshman.
We hope that without offence we may congratulate him.
"PRIVATE STILLS IN FRANCE."
Daily News.
He is only one of thousands.
