CHARIVARIA.
"Celerity," said the German Chancellor to our representative at Borlin on the eve of the War, "is essential to us." It has, however, taken him over five months to discover what he meant by his "scrap of paper" speech.
⁂
As a substitute for the International Railway Time Table Conference, Germany has invited Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Austria, Switzerland and Italy to a joint conference to be held on February 3rd. Certainly something will have to be done for the Kaiser's Time Tables. They have been most unsatisfactory ever since the outbreak of the War.
⁂
A German paper reports that the Kaiser is in excellent health now, and that his girth has distinctly increased during the War. His patriotic countrymen must be delighted at this fresh extension of Kaisertum.
⁂
The omission of the German Emperor to send a telegram of condolence to King Victor Emmanuel on the occasion of the earthquake has called forth severe comments in Italy. The Kaiser is said to have been anxious to create the impression that he sent the earthquake himself as a caution.
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Enver Pasha is said to have now returned to Constantinople. His place in the Egyptian Expeditionary Force will, it is thought, be taken be Revers Pasha.
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The ex-Khedive's war-cry: "Geneva for the Egyptians!"
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"The German Emperor," said General von Kessenstein, the other day, in a speech to Turkish officers and men, "is a sincere father to Islam." This statement was very necessary as many Turkish soldiers, judging by their experience of German officers, had imagined that the Kaiser was Islam's stepfather.
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Articles entitled "Unser Hass gegen England," Mr. Valentine Williams tells us, continue to appear in the German Press, and a dear old lady writes to say that she presumes the Hass in question is the Kaiser.
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We are sorry to hear that a Scotch prisoner in Germany got into serious trouble for referring in a letter to the fact that he was a member of the Burns Society. The authorities imagined this to be an incendiary association.
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Those wideawake Germans have discovered further evidence of a shortage of arms in our country. Attention is being drawn in Berlin to the fact that the London County Council has decided to defer the proposal to have a coat-of-arms until the conclusion of the War.
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We hear that Mr. Winston Churchill is delighted at the success of his expression, "the baby-killers," which has taken on so wonderfully and promises to have a greater run even than Mr. Asquith's "Wait and see." Fortunately in these times there is no jealousy between politicians.
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The Observer is wondering whether, in view of the threat of Zeppelin raids, we are taking sufficient precautions in regard to our national treasures. It may relieve our contemporary to know that at least one post-impressionist has removed all his works to a secret destination in the country.
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During a recent aerial attack on Dunkirk some bombs, we are told, set fire to a woollen warehouse. This just shows the danger of constructing a warehouse of such inflammable material.
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The War Office, The Express tells us, recently requested the borough of Sunderland to raise a brigade of field artillery. The Mayor, however, is reported to be a Quaker and opposed to War on principle, and it is stated that the local recruiting committee has decided to respect the Mayor's conscientious scruples. Suggested motto for the town, "Let Sunderland Quake."
⁂
Speaking of the new Lord of Appeal, a contemporary says, "Mr. Justice Bankes is noted for his pleasant appearance, and for the fact that he has never been known to raise his voice." He does not, in fact, belong to the firm of Bankes and Brays.
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As a result of the War there is a famine in glass, and prices are up nearly 100 per cent. Here surely is a Heaven-sent chance for the Crystal Palace to turn itself into a financial success.
⁂
The strike of Billingsgate fish porters was, we hear, I settled in the nick of time. The men were just beginning to brush up their language.
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Scene: A lonely part of the Scottish Coast.
German Spy (who has been signalling and suddenly notices that he is being watched). "Nein! Nein! Never shall you land on my beloved Shcotchland!
The Chicago Tribune as quoted in The Sunday Times:—
"'C'est incredible!' remarked the thorough Parisian."
"Pas demi," we retort in our best London accent.
"The Secretary of the Admiralty makes the following annouucement:—
Goods for his Majesty's ships which have hitherto been sent by mail, addressed 'Care of Naval Store Officer, Dingwall,' should in future be addressed 'Care of Naval Store Officer, Dngwall.'"
Scarborough Daily Post.
We obey reluctantly.
A THOUSAND STRONG.
