kicked him out of the bunk. He looked at me and said, "You old ruffian, know where you've been hunting, but it's weak to think of such things nowadays;" so I try not to dream any more.
When I am on watch with Master I wear a thing called a Balaclava helmet." She sent it to Master, who spent half-an-hour trying to find out where and how to put it on. Then he offered it to the coxswain, who said he "didn't 'old with them new-fangled ideas." The crew looked at it and said the weather was too cold for bathing yet, and so Master decided it was just the thing for me. Where and how I wear it I cannot describe in case she sees my letter, but it keeps me nice and warm.
When I come back after the War Master has promised me a medal. If I don't come back, and I heard Master say once that "our graves are under our keel," you'll know I'm still with Master. With two licks and a wag-tail,
I remain, Yours faithfully,
A Very Glad Dog.
[Will the author of the above letter kindly communicate to the Editor his full name and as much of his address as the Censor will pass?]
OVERCROWDING IN THE PARKS.
We are faced with the overcrowding problem again—this time in the Parks. Last Sunday we were manoeuvring against a convoy represented by our Motor Section. I was in the General Reserve—I always am. The principal business of the General Reserve is to catch cold. On this occasion the General Reserve consisted of two platoons, inclusive of Bailey and myself.
The trouble started with Dawkins. Dawkins was sent scouting. He had only just entered a convenient coppice, sat down and lit his pipe, when he was violently prodded in the back. It was then intimated to him that he was a prisoner. Dawkins, who has a good general knowledge of life, naturally demanded the nature of the charge and production of the warrant. Not receiving anything like the proper stereotyped reply, Dawkins correctly diagnosed that his captor was not a constable, common or special, and prepared to debate the matter. The allegation against Dawkins was that he was loitering within the lines of the Bermondsey Billposters in possession of arms and no satisfactory password. Dawkins asserts that he used every endeavour to preserve peace. He pointed out that the Billposters' pitch possessed no visible lines of demarcation; that the Park was not vested in the Billposters, and that "arms" was an exaggerated term to apply to his ancient but trusty musket. He even tried several guesses at the password, but, after drawing a blank with the word "paste," gave it up.
In the course of the ensuing argument they reached the edge of the coppice and our Company Commander mistook Dawkins' gesticulations with his rifle for the signal "Enemy in sight in large numbers." He at once dispatched No. 1 Platoon to hold the coppice.
The next incident was the discovery of a signaller on the rising ground east by north-east. Hammersley, our Semaphore expert, without hesitation declared that the message was being sent in Morse, while Holloway, our Morse expert, was equally emphatic that it was Semaphore. On my suggestion that it might be a code message, Jenkins, who once won an acrostic competition, was co-opted on to the committee. To everyone's astonishment the committee came to a decision. They announced that it was a code message sent partly in Morse and partly in Semaphore and that the true interpretation of it was that we were to make a flank attack on the right. It subsequently transpired that the signaller was an unattached individual practising what he believed to be Semaphore for his own edification.
Meanwhile our Commander marched off No. 2 Platoon with the exception of Bailey and myself. We were left to hold the position and "keep in touch." Having no precise instructions as to what we were to keep in touch with, we decided to start on Bailey's sandwiches. I was lodging a complaint at the parcity of mustard when an excited officer of cyclists appeared. He wanted the General Reserve, and we offered our services. He seemed dissatisfied with us, more, I presume, on the ground of quantity than quality. We assured him that there had been more of us, but that the others had gone off on some errand the nature of which we had forgotten, though Bailey thought that it had to do with mushrooms. When he wanted to know which of us was in command we were not in accord on the subject and offered to submit the matter to him for arbitration. Having ascertained that there was nothing between us in the matter of seniority, as we had both joined on the same day and both our subscriptions were in arrear ab initio, he curtly ordered us to reinforce the firing line and departed.
I won the toss and took command. After showing Bailey the proper way to salute his Superior Officer I put him through such parts of the manual and physical exercises as I could remember and ordered him to form fours. As Bailey isn't very well up in his drill and seemed at a loss how to carry out this somewhat intricate movement, I waived the point and decided to advance in file.
If we had thought of enquiring as to the position of the firing line the reinforcing business would have presented less difficulty. We started out in what I thought was a likely direction and were lucky to catch sight of them quite early on. I at once extended Bailey ten paces and directed him to advance by rushes. For some reason Bailey seemed to object to lying down in puddles and I had to threaten to report him for insubordination. I didn't intentionally choose swampy patches when I gave him the signal to lie down, but it is obvious that low-lying places afford the best cover. Bailey didn't understand that as an officer I didn't have to lie down, though everybody but Bailey knows that it is an officer's duty to expose himself as much as possible. This prevents panic among the men and encourages the junior officers by affording them an early prospect of promotion.
When we reached the firing line we found that they were doing practically nothing. As this appeared to be due to the inefficiency of their officers I at once gave the command for "five rounds rapid" and then "charge." Though I led it, I feel justified in saying that it was a good charge. If I had had time to ascertain that we had inadvertently reinforced the Tooting Borough Council, who were lying in ambush for the Limehouse Borough Council, I should probably have hesitated before taking over command. Our charge seems to have been premature, and the Limehouseites claimed to have gained some kind of advantage.
There didn't seem much use in staying to discuss the matter with a number of comparative strangers, so we did a route march to the nearest buses and so home. I gather that our Commandant was disappointed at not being reinforced and was inclined to be harsh with all with whom he came in contact. There was no real occasion for him to have been put out, as the convoy never got through. Their motor cyclist was run in for exceeding the speed limit; the cycle-car broke down before reaching the Park, and the Ford ambushed by the Wapping Pawnbrokers, who had made that road impracticable by placing a few logs just round the bend.
I think that there is no doubt that the Park was overcrowded that day and that the authorities ought to do something about it.
