Study of a Prussian household having its morning hate.
THE RIGOURS OF WAR-TIME.
Dear Mr. Punch,—I should like your advice with regard to a most difficult situation which has arisen in my family.
I am the mother of two boys. Philip, the elder, has enlisted in a most correct Territorial Battalion—there is a son of a Knight in his platoon. My other son, Clarence, applied for a commission, and obtained one in the 27th Battalion of the ——— Regiment. True, the mess is exclusively composed of Colonels and Second Lieutenants, but, as Clarence points out, this is an advantage, for when he is promoted he assures me that he will automatically become Lieutenant-Colonel, as there are no officers between him and this rank.
That, however, is not the point on which I wish to be advised. My troubles began over a week ago, when I was walking on the promenade at Brighton with Clarence. We were chatting gaily about the war when suddenly I saw Philip coming towards us. Ι went forward eagerly to embrace him, but when he saw Clarence he seemed to freeze and, assuming a very rigid attitude, saluted. Clarence returned the salute a trifle haughtily, I thought, considering that Philip is nearly two years older and much taller.
Well, will you believe it, Mr. Punch? they refused to walk together with me. Clarence maintained that it was not discipline, and Philip said that if he accompanied an officer he would be obliged to walk at attention, with constant "eyes right," which might permanently affect his sight.
So there was nothing for it but to separate.
I have just this morning heard, independently from each of them, that they have obtained leave for next weekend and propose to spend it with me. What am I to do? If I put one of them off, that one will be deeply offended. If they both come I foresee endless complications. Normally, for our house is small, they share one bedroom. That, of course, is now impossible, as even in pyjamas I understand the King's Regulations are binding, and for Philip to sleep at attention might have serious results.
Again, what about meals? They cannot eat together at table, yet I should hesitate to ask Philip to take his meals in the kitchen; still worse I could not bear to see him standing bolt upright at the sideboard, debarred by Clarence's presence from taking part in the conversation.
Do please get me out of this difficulty.
Yours, etc.,
British Matron.
P.S. Possibly Philip's Colonel would grant him commissioned rank just for the week-end if he knew how matters stood.
Always Merry and Bright.
"The Lighter Side of War: Le Côté Plaisant de la Guerre" is the heading of The Continental Daily Mail to a page of illustrations, one of which represents French soldiers burying German dead.
Metropolitan Water, February 16th.
Algy had his bath.
The bath was bilgy.
The bilge was algæ.
"FOR CHEAPER FOOD.
County Council Action.
The price of coal was also raised at the Council meeting."—Daily Chronicle.
Surely this was unnecessary; the producers, carriers and distributors do not appear to require any help in this direction.
