CHARIVARIA.
"Those who would saddle the Kaiser with the responsibility for the War," says a German paper, "forget that he kept the peace of Europe for twenty-six years." No, they don't. They fully appreciate the fact that he took all that time to get ready to fight.
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Says the Deutsche Tageszeitung:—"People of Germany, prepare to face one enemy the more. From the caves of the Abruzzi, from the marshes of Sicily and Sardinia, from the forests of Calabria, from the courts and alleys of Chidi and Margelina, an army of vagabonds, convicts, ruffians and mandolin-players is about to march against you." Astonishing how they have deteriorated since they were active members of the Triple Alliance.
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Meanwhile it certainly looks as if Germany's Professors of Hate are in for an unusually strenuous time, and we shall not be surprised if some of them break down from over-work.
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Serious-minded Germans, by the way, are furious with us for not even hesitating to make fun of such a holy feeling as Hate.
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A Turkish gentleman, residing in the vicinity of the Dardanelles, who has been suffering from a series of bad headaches lately, writes to ask how it is that the British Navy came to be known as "The Silent Service."
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The average Briton is slow to anger, but there are signs that he is being roused. For example, according to The Mail, a resident of Southend whose lawn had been injured by a bomb was overheard to say, "I solemnly swear I'll never play tennis with a German again!"
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We were frankly surprised to learn how many German butchers there were in London. Evidently the typical German is born that way.
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One really cannot be too careful not to pass hasty judgment on the conduct of any individual or body. For example, the Southgate Urban District Council was criticised adversely because it would not allow the local Volunteer corps to drill on the recreation ground. It now appears that such drilling, if permitted, would spoil the cricket and football pitches.
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Mr. Theodore H. Price of New York, the editor of Commerce and Finance, declared that prosperity and not poverty will be the aftermath of the great war. For all that, it seems a regrettable method of ensuring a trade boom.
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"In these hard times," says the Tägliche Rundschau, "we must turn our hearts to steel, so that we may forget that we have any feeling." Tommy Atkins would like it known that, if they are ready to turn their hearts to it, he is always ready to supply the steel.
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It is thought that the exaggerated ideas of the extent of inebriety in our midst are due in part to the fashion prevalent among women to-day of wearing their hats at all sorts of absurd angles.
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The Lord Chamberlain's warning to the theatrical and music-hall world on the subject of scanty dress has evoked a good deal of indignant comment among the members of the profession, who declare that they were merely endeavouring to economise, and it is considered that the cause of national thrift has received a distinct set-back.
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Meanwhile in these days when we all have to be economical we are not surprised to see that in many of the new dresses now being worn there is no waist at all.
Tommy (home of leave, to ex-soldier who is giving his theories). "Garn! Yer talking through yet chapeau."
"Cato, the Greek, on observing that statues were being set up in honour of many remarked—'I would rather people would ask, why is there not a statue to Cato, than why there is.'"
Glasgow News.
We well remember that a Roman gentleman of the same name enunciated similar sentiment.
"The action of the people in attacking Germans, though quite explicable, was unreasoning, and if the Government policy was to be adopted, he hoped they would not intern one single person whom they did not believe they could safely leave alone."—"The Times" Parliamentary Report.
If the orator's remarks have been correctly reported, his attitude does not appear to differ much from that of the "unreasoning" public.
Testimonial to a gout specific:—
"I am grateful for your good remedy as I am keeping well since I left it off and am able to walk freely."
"I believe I am right in saying that the first Ottoman Turk since the last Crusade received an Anglo-Saxon bayonet in him at 5 minutes after 5 a.m. on April 25."
Special Correspondent.
We do not quarrel with the writer's smart timing of this event, but as the last Crusade ended in 1272 and the bayonet was not invented till circa 1650 the above statement is not so dashing as it seems.
"The din and roar of sound, which can best be described as that of 10,000 different noises blended into one confusion, are almost a grandiose but, at the same time, appalling spectacle."—Daily Telegraph.
Thanks to the writer's keen eye for noises one hears the spectacle distinctly.
"THE ƎASTERN FRONT."
Sunday Times.
We compliment the leading unit of the "Ǝastern" Front on facing West on so resolutely.
