Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/83

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January 13, 1915.

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

37

ACQUIRING POLISH.

THE CRANK'S COMPLAINT.

(On seeing Mr. Henry Newbolt's name in the New Year's Honour List.)

Because his verses always aim, With one unwearying design,At adding lustre to the fame Achieved by Britain on the brine;Because they fail to satisfy The sex-besotted catechist—It very nearly makes me cry To see him in the Honour LIst.

Because he holds in high respect The knightly courtesies of war,Does not bow down to intellect, And steeps himself in Froissart's lore;Because he hids us play the game And not the super-egotist—I do not care to see his name Included in the Honour List.

Because he has not eulogized The operas of Richard Strauss,Or liberally recognized Keir Hardie's courage in the House;Because he's more an errant knight Than Pacifist or Chauvinist—I feel it is not fair or right To put him in the Honour List.

Because he has not wreathed with bays The brow of good Sir William BylesOr lavished undiluted praise Upon the food of Eustace Miles;Or urged that we should subsidize The cult of the Theosophist—It fills me with a sick surprise To find him in the Honour List.

Because he hasn't written odes In praise of Normal Angell's views,Or aped the fashionable modes Which modern versifiers use;Because he writes with much restraint And is, in style, a Classicist—It very nearly makes me faint To see him in the Honour List.

In find, while Masterman-O Fi For Asquith's everylasting shame!—MacDonald, Cadbury and I Have each no handle to his name;While Handel Booth's well-earned O.M. Is still conspicuously missed—I can't sufficiently condemn The framing of the Honour List.

Irony in the Tube.

After all the efforts and good nature sometimes exercised in getting on to the right platform in a Tube station, it is quite nice to be faced by the following bold announcement—

"THE BEST WAY TO SEE LONDON IS FROM THE TOP OF A 'BUS."

Each word that follows is a stab at your heated and gross imbecility:—

"YOU ENJOY FRESH AIR. YOU SEE THE LIFE OF THE TREES. YOU PASS EVERY PLACE OF INTEREST."

Possibly the Tube will take its revenge and post the following advertisement on the buses:—

"ONLY IDIOTS TRAVEL BY 'BUS. THE TUBE IS FAR, FAR THE BETTER METHOD OF TRANSIT."

Private ——— writes from the Front:—

"Dear Mother, I expected when I come to France ot hear the pheasants shouting the mayonnaise, but you dont."

"Reinforcements subsequently arrived, and a squadron of dragons then courageously attacked the enemy."—Westminster Gazette.

Thus heaping coals of fire on the head of poor St. George.