Punch. Hollo! Was my face the dirtiest place you could find to spit in?[1] Get away! you nasty old blackgard! Get away! (seizes the Blind man's staff, and knocks him off the stage.—Punch hums a tune, and dances to it; and then begins to sing, in the mock Italian style, the following words, pretending to play the fiddle on his arm, with the stick)
When I think on you, my jewel,[2]
Wonder not my heart is sad;
You're so fair, and yet so cruel,
You're enough to drive me mad.
On thy lover take some pity:
And relieve his bitter smart.
Think you Heaven has made you pretty,
But to break your lover's heart?
Enter a Constable.
Constable. Leave off your singing, Mr. Punch, for I'm come to make you sing on the wrong side of your mouth.
Punch. Why, who the devil are you?
Constable. Don't you know me?
Punch. No, and don't want to know you.
Constable. Oh, but you must: I am the constable.
Punch. And who sent for you?
Constable. I am sent for you.
Punch. I don't want constable. I can settle my own business without constable, I thank you. I don't want constable.
Constable. But the constable wants you.
- ↑ This joke is of Italian origin. Bandello (Part 3, Novel 42) makes the Spanish Ambassador spit in the face of one of the servants of the famous Roman courtezan Imperia, whose house was most splendidly furnished. It is, however, older than Bandello's time; and it is also found in the Italian jest book, before quoted, collected by Domenichi in 1565.
- ↑ A real Italian air and song, introduced by Piccini, of which this is a translation: the first words of the original are—
"Quando pens' io à la mia bella."
