The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists
As they marched round, the crowd jeered at them and made offensive remarks.
Crass said that anyone could see that they were a lot of lazy, drunken loafers who had never done a fair day's work in their lives and never intended to.
'We shan't never get nothing like this, you know,' said Philpot. 'Let's try the religious dodge.'
'All right,' agreed Harlow, 'what shall we give 'em?'
'I know!' cried Philpot after a moment's deliberation. '"Let my lower lights be burning"; that always makes 'em part up.'
The three unemployed accordingly resumed their march round the room singing mournfully and imitating the usual whine of street-singers:—
'Trim your fee-bil lamp me brith-er-in,
Some poor sail-er tempest torst,
Strugglin' 'ard to save the 'arb-er,
Hin the dark-niss may be lorst.
So let my lower lights be burning,
Send er gleam acrost the wave,
Some poor shipwrecked, struggling seaman,
You may rescue, you may save.'
'Kind frens,' said Philpot, removing his cap and addressing the crowd, 'we're hall honest British workin' men, but we've been hout of work for the last twenty years on account of foreign competition and over-production. We don't come hout 'ere because we're too lazy to work, it's because we can't get a job. If it wasn't for foreign competition the kind-'earted Hinglish capitalists would be able to sell their goods and give us plenty of work, and if they could, I assure you that we should hall be perfectly willing and contented to go on workin' our guts out for the benefit of our masters for the rest of our lives. We're quite willin' to work: that's hall we arst for—plenty of work—but as we can't get it we're forced to come out 'ere and arst you spare a few coppers towards a crust of bread and a night's lodgin'.'
As Philpot held out his cap for subscriptions some of them attempted to expectorate into it, but the more charitable put in pieces of cinder or the dirt from the floor, and the kind-hearted Capitalist was so affected by the sight of their misery that he gave them one of the sovereigns he had in his pocket, but as this was no use to them they immediately returned it
176
