He parted from them. But he did not at once lose their interested faith in art.[1] His pride was flattered thereby. It was a faith which was richly rewarded; it brought him “women, money, fame.”
“Of this religion I was one of the pontiffs; an agreeable and highly profitable situation.”
The better to consecrate himself to this religion, he sent in his resignation from the army (November, 1856).
But a man of his temper could not close his eyes for long. He believed, he was eager to believe, in progress. It seemed to him “that this word signified something” A journey abroad, which lasted from the end of January to the end of July of 1857, during which period he visited France, Switzerland, and Germany, resulted in the destruction of this faith. In Paris, on the 6th of April, 1857, the spectacle of a public execution “showed him the emptiness of the superstition of progress.”
“When I saw the head part from the body and fall into the basket I understood in every recess of my being that no theory as to the reason of the present order of things could justify such an act. Even though all the men in the world, supported by this or that theory, were to find it necessary, I myself should know that it was wrong;
- ↑ “There was no difference between us and an asylum full of lunatics. Even at the time I vaguely suspected as much; but as all madmen do, I regarded them as all mad excepting myself”—Confessions.
