“God Almighty knows my heart bleeds at the recital; but it is a duty I owe to myself, and to the world, to draw your attention to my situation as a first lieutenant, and the consequent provocation; and I fondly hope this honorable court will accompany me in my feelings as an officer, and as a man. A complaint had been made to me by the carpenter of the ship, of the deceased, who had conducted himself in the most riotous and disorderly manner to the said person. Weighing the circumstances, I, with a lenity natural to me, and which I trust I shall prove to have ever been my character, from high evidence, ordered him a slight punishment, too trifling in its nature, and not unbecoming his situation as a soldier, merely to walk the quarter-deck with a musket in his hand, and to which I was induced, by a prepossession in his favor, and a wish to preserve him from condign punishment, which must have been the consequence, if the regular steps had been taken. With insufferable contempt, better expressed by the carriage, and demeanour of the countenance and eye, than by language, he impertinently refused to submit; when I again and again commanded further compliance, the same provocation was renewed; – I flew to my weapon, and here before God and my country, I most solemnly disclaim any intention to endanger the life of the deceased; I meant simply to intimidate, and thereby force obedience to my orders. Acting on this principle, I several times struck the musket, which the deceased held in his hand, and desired him to walk about. This seemingly had the desired effect; he shouldered arms, and my sword was returned to its scabbard. But in the very same moment, my soul still glowing with indignation at his outrageous audacity of air and aspect, he again refused compliance, and dared me to the fatal act. The imposing attitude of the man, the fierce arrangement of his features, his high ingratitude and disdain working on my imagination, already infuriated by irritated exasperation, shot like a flash of lightning across my brain; reason forsook its seat, raging madness usurped the sway, and my sword, obeying its horrid mandate, was passed into his body.
“Cruel! cruel! most cruel sword I which at once plunged him into eternity – to appear unprepared before his God – and me into the deepest gloom of misery and remorse. I trust I do not exhaust the indulgence of this honourable court with a repetition of my regrets – what bosom can deny the sigh, or what eye the tear, when charged with the death of a fellow-creature, under any circumstances i The full heart feels relief on the heaving forth of its sorrows; and though no pencil can pourtray the anguish which preys upon my mind at this moment, yet I feel some consolation in thinking that this man was formerly the object of my lenity, when, from motives of compassion, and the just sense I entertained of his professional abilities, I shielded him from punishment, though implicated in the serious charge of mutiny. From this circumstance, I hope it will appear to this honorable court, that there was no premeditated malice against this unhappy victim of my misguided passion – and that a moment’s cool reflection would have rather induced me to stretch forth that arm for his preservation instead of his destruction.
