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The two Gentlemen of Verona.
31
Sp.Marry, the son of my Grand-father.
La. Oh illiterate loyterer; it was the sonne of thyGrand-mother: this proues that thou canst not read.
Sp.Come foole, come: try me in thy paper.
La. There: and S.Nicholas be thy speed.
Sp.Inprimis she can milke.
La. I that she can.
Sp.Item, she brewes good Ale.
La. And thereof comes the prouerbe: (Blessing ofyour heart, you brew good Ale.)
Sp.Item, she can sowe.
La. That's as much as to say (Can she so?)
Sp.Item she can knit.
La. What neede a man care for a stock with a wench,When she can knit him a stocke?
Sp.Item, she can wash and scoure.
La. A speciall vertue: for then shee neede not bewash'd, and scowr'd.
Sp.Item, she can spin.
La. Then may I set the world on wheeles, when shecan spin for her liuing.
Sp.Item, she hath many namelesse vertues.
La. That's as much as to say Bastard-vertues: thatindeede know not their fathers; and therefore haue nonames.
Sp.Here follow her vices.
La. Close at the heeles of her vertues
Sp.Item, shee is not to be fasting in respect of herbreath.
La. Well: that fault may be mended with a breakfast:read on.
Sp.Item, she hath a sweet mouth.
La. That makes amends for her soure breath.
Sp.Item, she doth talke in her sleepe.
La. It's no matter for that; so shee sleepe not in hertalke.
Sp.Item, she is slow in words.
La. Oh villaine, that set this downe among her vices;To be slow in words, is a womans onely vertue:I pray thee out with't, and place it for her chiefe vertue.
Sp.Item, she is proud.
La. Out with that too:It was Eues legacie, and cannot be t'ane from her.
Sp.Item, she hath no teeth.
La. I care not for that neither: because I loue crusts.
Sp.Item, she is curst.
La. Well: the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.
Sp.Item, she will often praise her liquor.
La. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not,I will; for good things should be praised.
Sp.Item, she is too liberall.
La. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ downeshe is slow of: of her purse, shee shall not, for that ilekeepe shut: Now, of another thing shee may, and thatcannot I helpe. Well, proceede.
Sp.Item, shee hath more haire then wit, and morefaults then haires, and more wealth then faults.
La. Stop there: Ile haue her: she was mine, and notmine, twice or thrice in that last Article: rehearse thatonce more.
Sp.Item, she hath more haire then wit.
La. More haire then wit: it may be ile proue it: Thecouer of the salt, hides the salt, and therefore it is morethen the salt; the haire that couers the wit, is morethen the wit; for the greater hides the lesse: What'snext?
Sp.And more faults then haires.
La. That's monstrous: oh that that were out.
Sp.And more wealth then faults.
La. Why that word makes the faults gracious:Well, ile haue her: and if it be a match, as nothing isimpossible.
Sp.What then?
La. Why then, will I tell thee, that thy Master staiesfor thee at the North gate.
Sp.For me?
La. For thee? I, who art thou? he hath staid for a betterman then thee.
Sp.And must I goe to him?
La. Thou must run to him; for thou hast staid so long,that going will scarce serue the turne.
Sp.Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your loueLetters.
La. Now will he be swing'd for reading my Letter;An vnmannerly slaue, that will thrust himselfe into secrets:Exeunt.Ile after, to reioyce in the boyes correctio.
Scena Secunda.
Enter Duke, Thurio, Protheus.
Du. Sir Thurio, feare not, but that she will loue youNow Valentine is banish'd from her sight.
Th. Since his exile she hath despis'd me most,Forsworne my company, and rail'd at me,That I am desperate of obtaining her.
Du. This weake impresse of Loue, is as a figureTrenched in ice, which with an houres heateDissolues to water, and doth loose his forme.A little time will melt her frozen thoughts,And worthlesse Valentine shall be forgot.How now sir Protheus, is your countriman(According to our Proclamation) gon?
Pro.Gon, my good Lord.
Du. My daughter takes his going grieuously?
Pro.A little time (my Lord) will kill that griefe.
Du. So I beleeue: but Thurio thinkes not so:Protheus, the good conceit I hold of thee,(For thou hast showne some signe of good desert)Makes me the better to confer with thee.
Pro.Longer then I proue loyall to your Grace,Let me not liue, to looke vpon your Grace.
Du. Thou know'st how willingly, I would effectThe match betweene sir Thurio, and my daughter?
Pro.I doe my Lord.
Du. And also, I thinke, thou art not ignorantHow she opposes her against my will?
Pro.She did my Lord, when Valentine was here.
Du. I, and peruersly, she perseuers so:What might we doe to make the girle forgetThe loue of Valentine, and loue sir Thurio?
Pro.The best way is, to slander Valentine,With falsehood, cowardize, and poore discent:Three things, that women highly hold in hate.
Du. I, but she'll thinke, that it is spoke in hate
Pro.I, if his enemy deliuer it.Therefore it must with circumstance be spokenBy one, whom she esteemeth as his friend.
Du. Then you must vndertake to slander him.
Pro.
